Todays client comment

Re: Todays client comment

fluffygirl — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 21:56:44 GMT

[quote user="Mark Rowland"]

I have a black pine snake registered that goes by the name of f*kka, so called because of the owners reaction when it bit him as a hatchling. Pine snakes can be a bit feisty! Needless to say I call out the owners name when in the waiting room.

[/quote]

Saw a lesbian couple once whose cherished pet was a naked rat by the name of 'General Foreskin'. Seemed apt but strangely ironic......

Re: Todays client comment

Clive Ansell — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 10:37:36 GMT

[quote user="derrick carpenter"]

A rabbit called Rampant and the client kept saying "my rabbit is really erotic!". she meant neurotic...

[/quote]

No, if she had a Rabbit named Rampant, she probably did mean erotic.

If easily offended, don't open this link.

Re: Todays client comment

derrick carpenter — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 10:29:27 GMT

A rabbit called Rampant and the client kept saying "my rabbit is really erotic!". she meant neurotic...

Re: Todays client comment

Charlotte Marshall — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 21:20:22 GMT

We use to have a Mrs Cox with floppy the rabbit and a Mr Cox (no relation) with a cat called Monster.

Re: Todays client comment

Mark Rowland — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:31:38 GMT

Re: Todays client comment

Martin Atkinson — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:18:25 GMT

[quote user="bob lehner"]

[quote user="Mark Rowland"] I also like the "too much information clients". [/quote]

These can be dangerous.

I remember once diagnosing ringworm on a young lady's cat and diligently discussing the zoonotic implications, asked whether anyone in the family had any skin lesions. ' Well I've got this funny thing just here' she said, pulling down her top to expose her well-endowed chest. I hate to think of the consequences if one of the staff had come into the room at that point.

[/quote]

I had exactly the same thing only mine wanted me to apply the ringworm cream for her as well. One of the nurses did come into the room at that point but it was a big laugh rather than an embarrassment and went down in practice folklore. Then later she invited me round for dinner and said, 'Don't worry it will be just you, me and my pussy'. Despite being a stripper at the local pub I truly believe she was a bit naive and really meant her cat.

Re: Todays client comment

fluffygirl — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 17:06:00 GMT

[quote user="Simon Neuhoff"]

I usually do the same - in my locum days some nurses tried to set me up with a fake appointment (during consulting time) for Mr Hunt and his cat "Mike". Fortunately I am quicker than they are ;-)

[/quote]

My partner used to have a colleague with that name. And he didn't even insist on being called 'Michael'.

Re: Todays client comment

Emily Nightingale — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 17:30:25 GMT

Surname Fortesque, dog's name Booby. When asking the client in the privacy of the consulting room why her dog was called Booby (after I had called out the name in a packed waiting room) she announced her husband had a fetish with dog names, and that this was nothing by comparison.

"The other three dawgs at home, dear" she said through pink lipsticked lips "are Fanny, Dick and Muff"...

I had to leave the room mumbling something about needing to get a pair of gloves or something... I literally PU'd myself!

Re: Todays client comment

Tom Ward — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:53:18 GMT

I had a dog brought in to express its anal glands, and the owner announced to me that that his dog had just 'lost her anal virginity'... cringe.

Re: Todays client comment

Niall Taylor — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:40:35 GMT

[quote user="Simon Neuhoff"] in my locum days some nurses tried to set me up with a fake appointment (during consulting time) for Mr Hunt and his cat "Mike". [/quote]

Eeow!

A few years on our records we had Mrs Samson's Willy and Mrs Robinson's Fanny - I kid ye not! I have no idea whether they ever met in the waiting room.

Niall

Re: Todays client comment

Simon Neuhoff — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 15:21:54 GMT

[quote user="Hannah Chilton"]

A very amusing way to spend a Friday afternoon before consults.

Also, names. I can't remember the name exactly (thus neatly getting out of any client confidentiality) but I normally call patients/clients in from the waiting room with pet name + client surname and the particular combination was something like 'Lady Garden'. I didn't call that out needless to say!

[/quote]

I usually do the same - in my locum days some nurses tried to set me up with a fake appointment (during consulting time) for Mr Hunt and his cat "Mike". Fortunately I am quicker than they are ;-)

Re: Todays client comment

HMC — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 13:56:14 GMT

A very amusing way to spend a Friday afternoon before consults.

Re: Todays client comment

Niall Taylor — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 07:18:48 GMT

[quote user="Julie Innes"] Him (with a sneer): " ACTUALLY, it is a MALE dog, so they can't be nipples!"[/quote]

It's amazing how often you hear that one!

Niall

Re: Todays client comment

Evelyn Barbour-Hill — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:39:52 GMT

[quote user="Julie Innes"]I always worried that his girlfriend subsequently attempted to remove the "skin tags"![/quote]

Indeed, and she might have attempted the same on the dog too.

Re: Todays client comment

Julie Innes — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 23:36:13 GMT

at these!

I had a guy bring his dog in with some "lumps".

Him: "My girlfriend is a beautician, and she says they're skin tags."

Me: "er, actually, they are nipples"

Him (with a sneer): " ACTUALLY, it is a MALE dog, so they can't be nipples!"

Me: " Do you have nipples?" (Cue embarrassed huffing and puffing from the gentleman- and, no, I didn't make him show me!!)

Him (last ditch attempt): "Well, my girlfriend is a beautician and SHE says they are skin tags"

Me (with a shrug): " Well, I'm a vet, and I say they are nipples..."

I always worried that his girlfriend subsequently attempted to remove the "skin tags"!

Re: Todays client comment

Fiona French — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 18:16:25 GMT

A few months ago a respectable looking and well spoken elderly lady, who had brought her cat in for a worm tablet, asked me this:

What's this 'G-spot' thing people talk about? Is it your clitoris, or something else? Just that I read about it in a book....

Re: Todays client comment

Clive Ansell — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 18:14:06 GMT

I had one several years ago, a woman client who shall we say was not the brightest pebble on the beach, put her cat on the table and said "do you want to stroke my pussy" . To which I replied without engaging brain first "Ok, but we'll look at the cat first". Fortunately, she either didn't hear me or didn't understand.

Re: Todays client comment

Alex Gough — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 17:43:55 GMT

A gay couple did make me turn bright red as a new graduate when I took their dog's temperature, and one of them turned to the other and said, "Look, he got it in first time!"

Re: Todays client comment

Kate Richardson — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 16:48:49 GMT

I bumped into one of our loveliest clients in the petrol station a few months back. He happens to be gay (which is only essential to know so you can picture the scenario). He went on to tell me how he was bringing one of his great dane bitches in to see me the next day as she was licking her girly bits and had some red spots there. Then he went on to describe exactly how he had parted her vulval lips to visualise these red spots, with full hand actions to demonstrate how he did this, in the middle of the petrol station shop queue. Got some very strange looks from some of the other people in the queue and walked out a tad embarrassed!

Re: Todays client comment

Mark Holmes — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 16:30:50 GMT

Todays comment: "It doesn't matter I'm sure you must get scratched all the time." Grrrrrrr Yes I do and Yes it does!

Re: Todays client comment

Dagmar Steele — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:31:58 GMT

I have been asked if I could palpate the lump in a ladies breast she had just found. Her doc wants to take it out, what do I think? And up went the blouse and off the bra faster than I could refuse ... I was quite happy to be female myself....

Re: Todays client comment

Bob Russell — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:18:19 GMT

Lucky bu**ers! No one has stripped off in my consulting room. Er well not in a consultation!

Re: Todays client comment

Charlotte Marshall — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:12:49 GMT

a friend of mine had a client drop her trousers in the consulting room asking 'are these flea bites?'

Re: Todays client comment

bob lehner — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 15:07:27 GMT

[quote user="Mark Rowland"] I also like the "too much information clients". [/quote]

These can be dangerous.

Re: Todays client comment

Rob Davis — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 14:38:13 GMT

[quote user="Clive Ansell"]Not heard the term "aunt Annie" before, but came across "little Mary" recently[/quote]

It took me some time to work out what the quietly-spoken lady meant when she kept telling me that her dog kept licking her "crocus bulb"...