I'm a stupid, stupid man

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 06 May 2011 17:10:40 GMT

[quote user="alex gough"] Is this Arlo being mischieveous lol?[/quote]

Wish I were that clever, but no, it was simply 'as it says on the tin'

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Alex Gough — Fri, 06 May 2011 12:19:30 GMT

On the email summary of Vetsurgeon this month, the most popular thread in the forum is "I'm a stupid, stupid man - Martin Jones"

Is this Arlo being mischieveous lol?

Alex

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Laurence Webb — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:52:21 GMT

[quote user="Clive Ansell"]

I have, in the last 10 minutes, examined a cat where the owner is sure its testicles have regrown since castration 2 years ago - they haven't

[/quote]I had one of those 3 or 4 months ago. She swore blind that she'd seen them (well actually she swore quite a lot - not one our most elequent clients) although they had magically vanished at the time of the examination. It took quite a bit of persuasion to talk her out of her plan of tying an elastic band around the testicle(s) when she next found them. Visions of a blocked cat with an ischaemic penis floated in my mind

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Alex Gough — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:33:22 GMT

There was a story a while ago about a vet who implanted neuticles into a dog that he had been assured by the owner had been neutered. He then took the dog to the show ring, and the judge was surpised on palpating the scrotum that the dog had four testicles (presumably it had been bilaterally cryptorchid and they subsequently descended).

Alex

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Clive Ansell — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:30:31 GMT

I have, in the last 10 minutes, examined a cat where the owner is sure its testicles have regrown since castration 2 years ago - they haven't

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Ian Mostyn — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:13:05 GMT

I had a woman on the phone saying her chinchilla wouldn't eat its pellets. I told her to try some hay or greens as it was a more suitable diet. 30 minutes later I got a phone call from the pet shop asking why old Mrs Green was buying hay for her chinchilla CAT.

Ooops. Ian.

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 10:26:52 GMT

[quote user="Anthony Todd"]the only question I could think of was "What sort of soup was it?"[/quote]

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Anthony Todd — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 10:20:25 GMT

This was relayed to me by a colleague and I'm sure is true.

"I was on night duty when I was phoned by a distraught women who said her budgie had just fallen into the soup.

You know when you are getting a history you just sort of follow a question with another, well, the only question I could think of was "What sort of soup was it?"

"Mushroom", said the women in a strangled voice....."

[Sorry AK]

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Gillian Mostyn — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 21:49:40 GMT

[quote user="Stephen Courtney"]Yes...the gizzard is the round hard abdominal mass you can sometimes palpate in a thin chicken.[/quote]#

Otherwise known as the stomach, or ventriculus.

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Stephen Courtney — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 21:41:08 GMT

Yes...the gizzard is the round hard abdominal mass you can sometimes palpate in a thin chicken.

By the way always point the vent somewhere other than at yourself when palpating....

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Gillian Mostyn — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 21:31:23 GMT

hahahahahaha - sorry Wren, but that made me laugh so much I cried. Oh the irony. (And the schadenfreude!)

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Evelyn Barbour-Hill — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 19:11:37 GMT

Ahem. Crop.

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Wren — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 17:54:32 GMT

[quote user="Michael Woodhouse"]

I over heard a colleague of mine examining a chicken with a lump protruding from its cloaca 'that could be a prolapsed bladder'

[/quote]

Had my own chicken moment the other day. Whilst palpating a lump in its neck and dicussing the relative likelihood of an abscess/tumour I became aware the lump had a barley-like consistency. Gizzard anyone?

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Niall Taylor — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 07:11:31 GMT

[quote user="Mark Holmes"]

You too? Those standard questions just roll off the tongue.....

Client: My dog has been coughing for weeks. A dry hacking cough. Its quite distressing.

Me (probably thinking about my tea, last night TV, tonights TV etc): Really? So how is he in himself? Eating and drinking normally. Any coughing?....(see tumble weed and confused expression on client)[/quote]

Oh thank goodness it's not just me!

I once went to take the temperature of a 3 year old ewe which had sucessfully given birth to several lambs over the years. I lifted the tail, waved the thermometer in the general area and stared, vaguely aware that something wasn't right although I couldn't work out what. After about 30 seconds of rabbit in the headlights type gawping a pile of perfectly formed faecal pellets fell out of her vulva and it dawned on me she had no anus - duh!!!

Niall

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

bob lehner — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 21:11:42 GMT

[quote user="Gillian Mostyn"]

'my dog is vomitting everything he eats and drinks'

'Oh. OK. Any vomitting or diarrhoea?'

[/quote]

Had a chap bring in a python once which seemingly had diarrhoea. Not having much clue I reverted to basic principles and advised that he should starve it for 48 hours. He looked at me as if I was a complete half-wit - 'How's that going to help ? It only eats once a fortnight at best '

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Mark Hedberg — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 21:00:47 GMT

[quote user="bob lehner"]

[[quote user="Arlo Guthrie"]that leaves the field wide open for me to write a book.[/quote]

Me too.

A long time ago we had a very blonde and rather attractive young student to see practice with us.

On her first day she asked if she could come out with me to do some horse visits. I was rather chuffed that she had chosen me over my colleagues and told her to hop into my lovely brand-new and shiny Land Rover Discovery in the staff car park. As I went to join her I did really feel rather pleased with myself - here I was, a young and confident partner in a successful practice, setting off in my very swish new car, with an attractive young lady next to me, who was sure to be impressed by my consummate veterinary skills and knowledge. Even the sun was shining - surely life couldn't get much better ?

I leapt into the car, switched on the engine, engaged reverse gear and gave the steering wheel a jaunty spin to reverse expertly and speedily out of the car park - unfortunately followed by a sickening metallic crunch as I collided with the adjacent building. The Land Rover demonstrated its prodigious power by virtually ripping the front left wing off its moorings as I continued in reverse gear.

Never has a mood swung so rapidly from high to low, or an ego been so effectively punctured.

[/quote]

Ah, yes, I've had a few bouts of testosterone poisoning myself... :p

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Michael Woodhouse — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 19:56:38 GMT

I over heard a colleague of mine examining a chicken with a lump protruding from its cloaca 'that could be a prolapsed bladder'

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Gillian Mostyn — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:24:05 GMT

Yeah - I do that all the time.

'my dog is vomitting everything he eats and drinks'

'Oh. OK. Any vomitting or diarrhoea?'

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Mark Holmes — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 15:05:09 GMT

You too? Those standard questions just roll off the tongue.....

Client: My dog has been coughing for weeks. A dry hacking cough. Its quite distressing.

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Alex Gough — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 12:10:31 GMT

I got stopped by a policeman for doing 40 in a 30 zone on my way to a call, with vet student on board, although a colleague told me he had actually rolled his car with a work experience student in it. My old boss left his handbrake off his Discovery in the slightly sloping car park, which then demolished the front wall of the practice.

Alex

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

bob lehner — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 11:44:26 GMT

[[quote user="Arlo Guthrie"]that leaves the field wide open for me to write a book.[/quote]

Me too.

A long time ago we had a very blonde and rather attractive young student to see practice with us.

Never has a mood swung so rapidly from high to low, or an ego been so effectively punctured.

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Mark Hedberg — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:10:51 GMT

Yeah, water quality questions are much better - unfortunately you get a lot of "dunno" answers.

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Derek Lyon — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 18:34:52 GMT

Got a call one April's fool day to come quickly as one of the Chimps had had its tail bitten off. Got blowpipe and drugs, rushed off only to get there......moral...Chimps do NOT have tails!!

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Helen Browning — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 17:30:39 GMT

least you didn't ask if your clients goldfish was eating and drinking ok....

Re: I'm a stupid, stupid man

Gillian Mostyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 17:14:04 GMT

Years ago, on discharging my (one-and-only thank goodness) 'sorry but I've just attempted to spay your castrated male cat' I got myself a bit stressed and muddled. I stated that they would need be aware that he may have already impregnanted their other female (entire) cat. I think I'd retained some credibility until that moment, and then all was lost.