CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Mon, 17 Jan 2022 17:03:46 GMT

Thank you very much George...; you have PM. The most important element I think is that after my originAl post here today,I reflected some more and realised that all the time I've been with Annika I have thought that I would die for her and my son if necessary! After my post before, I woke up and thought, Well Julian!!" Instead of A REALLY horrible thought like that, Now IHAVETO LIVE FOR THEM INSTEAD!! So I am safe in that respect and can hide the razors or whatever away again! These thoughts ae not like the real-me, the pre-accident non-depressed individual at all!!

Thank you everybody! I shall return here to seek nyour advice when necessary! Ove and Best Wishes to everybody who has cared enough to reply!! Sorry George, my attempt[s] at sending uou a PM havebeen misdirecytedrepeatedly for some reason? I am trying to say a Deep Thank you and say just how touching your background was!! I'll leaveit at that here for now..! Very Best Wishes toyou and yours! From Julian...!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

George Cooper — Mon, 17 Jan 2022 16:15:44 GMT

Once again Julian, we all thank God that this forum exists for you and by proxy, for Annika. Your summary of how your very closeness exacerbates every little "disagreement", amplifying it to seismic proportions, is quite simply "The Truth". Somebody once said that "we always hurt the ones we love", but I cannot recall who it was.

in 2007 when my late wife Sally was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 3 days before our planned nuptials, we too learned The Truth about this. I think it is because that very closeness allows us to speak freely - whereas with a third party person in such a conversation would be permitted some wriggle room and spared the direct (but confrontational) discussion. From my own perspective, with Sally and with my first wife Nicky who had sustained, twice, a broken back, and suffered forever with pretty intractable back pain that led to certain behavioural issues in the family (to the point that over the years her "back" threatened to dominate our entire family existence.).... with both, as with you and Annika, I feel sure, the "fit" ones realise that, for the sufferers life is so much worse than it is for us. With Nicky when a call came through to evening surgery to collect a pint of milk on the way home, or a takeaway as she'd not been able to pull together a meal, I was able to rationalise the situation, and oblige without any rancour whatsoever. I feel certain that your lovely supportive "other half" will be taking a similar view with regards to YOU being a tad - lets say - grouchy or unreasonable. And it was similar with Sally in the 2 years that she made it after her diagnosis and surgery. My favourite expression was that my shoulders were the more able to carry the load than ever hers were. Sally was a terrific philosopher (speaking at vet congresses on Work-life Balance and assertiveness long before they were as spoken about as now.), yet when we chatted she acknowledged that, over the years, she had dealt with "other people" better than she dealt with her relationship partners.

So - Julian - I guess my message is reasonable simple - to trust Annika to keep her support of you to the fore (as you hint in your post) and to have faith that she really *does* understand you totally. Be honest with yourself and your reactions - knowing that they are undertsood. And where your son is involved I would suggest being totally open and transparent with him too; don't try to "shield" him from your difficulties, as that will simply increase your stress levels. Both your son and Annika would prefer, I am certain, a grouchy and argumentative Julian than an empty place at the dinner table.

Again - from my own experience - despite any seeming difficulties created by their suffering or situation, it meant more to me to be able to care for them than the thought of NOT. *Disagreement* per se is a totally normal human situation - and the secret is to negotiate a safe way through it.

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Mon, 17 Jan 2022 15:36:51 GMT

Thank you again Clare and I'm using your post for me to replya for reasons that will probably be clear?! The last 2-3 days have been very difficult indeed again as I struggled to continue! I have been the first to realise and admit that my brain does not work the same way anymore and for a specific example. I a far, far more sensitive in any tiff or disagreement than I ever used to be! The relevance is that I am so dependent on my wife Annika, now more than ever and having had a couple of what should be seen as trivial disagreements has left me feeling lower than ever!1We still have a very strong and loving relationship and it will always be thus I know that!! But the pain of a disagreement is exacerbated enormously now by my sensitivity. I just cannot shrug things off the same way anymore! Annika does pamper me and helps me when ever necessary but it is our vey closeness that makes any argument feel so much worset.b.h!! I try to pamper her as much as I ca ut am not permitted to drive anymore for example so am a bit limited in my options? I hope that no-one thinks any less of me for opening up this way? But I was eyeing my shaving safety razors this morning taking time tio tell myself off for even thinking that way!! It is distressing to even realise that I ought or even need to talk myself out of such a terrible inconceivable action lke hat. It is not the person who I was which is a ainful realisation yet again that the forme me did not entirely survive my head injury etc!! Re.Clare's e-mail, I did ring hamartians two days ago; ab=nd spoke to a lovely lady who has kept in touch for the two days since! Sadly my best friend Ala in Sheffield has not replied to my calls yet... A busy man perhaps??

Even my 24 years-old son has matured a lot during my problems and each day comes up to give me a hug, asking if I am okay today? I tell him as much as I can.

Thank you all very much in anticipation for your sympathetic responses and advice...!

Julian Ear, Oxcombe, Lincolnshire.

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Tue, 23 Nov 2021 09:43:18 GMT

[quote userid="4664" url="~/001/nonclinical/f/off-duty-discussions/29670/can-anyone-help-please/234077#234077"]Have you spoken to your GP? [/quote]

Thanks Kath, yes I have spoken to my GP earlier butnot about thel ast 2days. I just continue with the meds he prescribed last time...Lindsay is due to arrive about 6pm. I hope Idon't get overtly emotional seeing my dear friend from 1982to 1991 again! Sadly Peter cannot make it for some reason that I forget just now.[ = WORK!! of course!], Tomorrow we plan on taking her to the Seal/ Nature Reserve / Sanctuary at Donna Nook on the East coast about 20-25 miles away. It is pupping time and they are reporting over 2,000 born in recent weeks! We'll have to wrap up warm for this trip to the seaside though!! Lindsayl eft for home an houror two ago and she accientally took Annika's phone by mistake so they had to turn t=round and drive back 20to 25 = miles to bring it back!! I have to e-mail her and tease her about trying to pinch Annika's phone as a thank you for our hospitality!! . It is only because I know her and trust her so implicitly after 35 years of friendship hat I can tease her about this!! I certainly cannot let her live this down can I??

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

KathW — Mon, 22 Nov 2021 22:52:06 GMT

[quote userid="3094" url="~/001/nonclinical/f/off-duty-discussions/29670/can-anyone-help-please/234074#234074"]I Kath Willis reads this, we have Lindsay visiting us for a couple of days tomorrow! She always manages to lift my spirits as she "sufers" from permanent happiness InMyExperience!! [/quote]

Hi Julian. Sorry to hear that you’ve had a tough few days. As you say, hopefully it’s something that can be sorted out for you. Have you spoken to your GP?

Have you spoken to your counsellor or the Samaritans about just “ letting all your feelings out”. It’s a scary thought as you will be used to being in control of situations and being the person to help and direct your clients in the past. As Annika and David have said you shouldn’t worry if it does happen, maybe talk it through with a trained professional?

On a brighter note you will enjoy Lindsay visiting. She is such a happy positive person and you’ll enjoy her company. I’ve done quite a few local walks with her over the last 20 months or so and she’s always entertaining and good company. Enjoy her visit!

Keep us updated and I hope your dizzy spells get sorted and you feel better soon.

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Mon, 22 Nov 2021 20:56:08 GMT

Sorry Everyone, Not a Goodfew Days I have been suffering with severe dizzy-spells, going around the house holding on to chairs, banisters etc. It is not nice and the only time I've "fallen" hasbeen whilst sat down moving myhead suddenly, the world was spinning and I slid off the chair sideways! No harm done except to my ability to get out cycling for now! Itis extremely worrying in that if not controlled then it could stop my "cycling-career" completely!! This is a very scry idea . I managed to ride out today for just a short =320-30 minutes but it wasunnerving when vehicles pass closely in case Iwobble! I take betahistine for this without obvious benefit to be honest. This whole idea is pushing me towards an edge that I do not want to go over so to speak!! Samaritans cannot help except to talk to me and try to rea=ssure me but the whole possibility is there in my mind!! I know that I must not be hasty but be patientand see if this can and ill be sorted out ASAP.

As I have said before, all of you on here have been such wonderful support, I am not ashamed to admit my fears to you and express my fears here publicly....

n addition, Ihope that no-one thinks less of me, but some days, when depression really bites, I wish that I could just break down and let it all out? but tell myself, I am a grown man, I cannot do that. My ever-loving wife tells me not to worry if that happens. Likewise my former boss David Greenhalgh says the same! So I hope that you will not just think, Oh, Just Man-Up for heaven's Sake?!! My brain does not work the same way anymore so giving it a stiff talking to, doesn't work!!

Thank you in anticipation of your replies. I have had suicidal thoughts but have no intent. My thoughts consist of not wanting my wife or son to find me having bled out somewhere!! Even just Writing this raises my state of anxiety!!

I Kath Willis reads this, we have Lindsay visiting us for a couple of days tomorrow! She always manages to lift my spirits as she "suffers" from permanent happiness In My Experience!!

TTFN...

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 18:18:02 GMT

[quote userid="8958" url="~/001/nonclinical/f/off-duty-discussions/29670/can-anyone-help-please/234024#234024"]Do it again next year, you know you want to[/quote]

Thank you Neil, very much. That is kind of you. I intend to continue next year and can only hope to continue with some sort of successif possible!. This depends on certain factors starting now: Having a good winter, able to build a solid base of fitness and strength in time for the first events in the spring. Whether I can win the Series again I do not know. It will depend on he courses they choose. The first one in May at Wymondham suited my limited abilities very well but after these years of racing I know automatically bynow whether a course, both distance and its profile suits me. Medium distance with rolling terrain, long hills okay being better than very steep onesaref ar better, they always have been! Anyway, I cannot promise winning anything in case the disappointment is too bad if I don't but all of my life, ever since my first time trial near Otley in North Yorkshire in August 1980**, I have made sure that I give 100% effort every single time. Nothing less wil do!! I can always keep that promise for sure!! Thank you again.

**12.5 rolling miles from Athington, near the A61, and 32-20 being a great result for a novice even I say so myself, but so I was told at the time! Head injury or not, I can still recall every pedal stroke of that ride!! I was immediately addicted to the sport!!

Next week Iwas ten seconds quicker!!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Neil Wheadon — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 18:02:13 GMT

I feel that any person who can re-invent themselves to win cycling events as you have, deserves enormous credit. As an above average at all sports I've tried but never found a sport to totally excel at, that's hard. Do it again next year, you know you want to

Neil

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 17:58:10 GMT

Thanks George, I had heard of the crow-family having proven intelligence and you have added to the evidence! A-mazing really!! Not so sure about the swallows! Just How long before they learnt to do that I wonder? Birds, maybe all a bit brighter than we think? Closely related to dinosaurs so was Jurassic Park that far out ?? Just a tangential thought really!! Swallows = brainsplusbeauty then!! My kind of creature!! That's what I tell my wife as well!!

thanks again, Constanly lifting my spirit here!!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

George Cooper — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 17:34:10 GMT

PS - We once played by invitation at a wedding at a very "Back-to-Basics" wedding venue in Louth - and my breakfast was delivered wrapped in newspaper at 8am - a bacon butty!! No floor was level!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

George Cooper — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 17:31:22 GMT

Julian - picking up on your comment about crows and stuff (quite apart from the Chris de Burgh song that mentions ravens in an old Churchyard) I've loved the fact that their intelligence is proved in science!

Crows can be seen to use One-Armed Bandits (so get that left arm working!!!!!) when they firstly posted stones through the slot and then posted the COINS through the slot to be rewarded with titbits of food. BUT - to me, the thing that cemented their fascination in my brain was when they were presented with food floating in a vessel - just beyond reach. They then worked out that if they deposited stones in the water in the vessel, the food would float higher and come into reach - AND - even more excitingly they then fashioned a tool to enable them to hook the food and bring it out completely. Consequential thinking, I think it was described.

Locally, my own observations of a family (troop? Squat?) of Jackdaws that inhabit Brecon Castle and the various ecclesiastical properties nearby, have astonished me - always assuming that what I am seeing is factual! We have a 4 way set of traffic lights tweaked to give individual throughput to each road, interspersed with pedestrian crossings controlled by lights. On several occasions I have seen these gregarious birds feeding off the remains of the chips and fish from the nearby chippy, in the roadway - BUT - the ones I have seen DO NOT CROSS unless the crossing lights are set to "Go"! And they then walk across with abandon. I was quite non-plussed by this, but have seen it just too often to question it properly!!

More - I've been interested in how, when one singleton crow alights upon a source of food, within an hour or so, a whole squadron of crows arrives to enjoy the feast!! It seems that when they all gather in their roosting ground, there is a whole cacophony of chatter goes on - and it seems that that chatter is sharing the whereabouts of their next dinner!.

For balance - there is the video'd link to swallows who nested INSIDE the atrium of a supermarket. They found that, by flying near the sensors that opened the automatic entrance doors, the doors opened and they were able to fly into their nest!

How inadequate are we humans?????

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 15:15:01 GMT

Thanks George for that very interesting post!! I have never heard anyone call Jackdaws and crows their favourite birds!!We now have Ravens here in the Lincs Wolds! Unheard of round here once upon a time but doing okay it seems! What with the well-known Peregrine roosting in Louth church spire in the centre of the town, the bird life is getting more interesting around here I think? A couple of years ago there was the Sea Eagle wandering up the east coast and sometimes venturing inland 20 miles to visit our area.

Thanks for cheering me with your message!

Best wishes to you and yours...

Julian

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

George Cooper — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 15:00:45 GMT

Hi Julian - do you find that the weather tends to have an influence on your mood? I've been sat at my screen today and when I gaze out of the window at what is usually a fairly idyllic Welsh hillside, I am seeing incessant rain falling at 30 degrees off the vertical and a gloominess that prevents me seeing the outline of the hills. I've had lights on almost constantly since rising, and even the Dawg who cares little whether it rains or snows or shines, stuck her little white nose out the back door and retreated to her nest on the back squab of the sofa from where she can monitor my movements and warn me of impending intruders - like the postie, or the DPD delivery guy - both familiar faces in this postcode.

That said - the remaining resident feline - Scuts - (because he scuttles everywhere except when his nose is up his arse in his igloo) has only just requested admission to the premises, from his vantage point on the windowsill. It is the only place where he deigns to speak to me, even though, being outside, I cannot hear him asking. He's just dried himself off by rubbing against my trouser legs. Frequently. And because I've already "been" he has been denied his usual mooch up to the bathroom to join me there in whatever I might be needing to do. That is the only place where he allows me to stroke him, as elsewhere he scuts off out of reach.

So - today we are in the grips of dismal, doom-laden gloom, the three of us, with my own low-ness and sad-ness not helped by a complete standstill in moving house - for 4-5 months - during which, in a fit of getting preparedness I relocated the curtains into boxes along with all kitchen utensils and condiments reducing my cooking preps to using the microwave for everything whilst ensuring that I have something wrapped around my person to maintain my modesty!

And - no kites to be seen up here for a good few days, though my trip into town to replenish the gin takes me through upland pasture which is rich in kites and buzzards both wheeling around, or sitting on the grass, or perched on fenceposts. There can some days be up to a dozen to 20 big brown birds up there. Which reminds me = gotta go and get them things before schools regurgitate pupils and roads clog with Ford Fiestas, and the darkness envelops us all again.

PS - my fave bird at the mo are the murders of crows and jackdaws that habituate the fields locally, and share their grazing with the sheep being fed concentrates. So intelligent, Corvidae!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 13:22:51 GMT

[quote userid="2490" url="~/001/nonclinical/f/off-duty-discussions/29670/can-anyone-help-please/234010#234010"]Don’t forget there are so many people who care about you. You’ve got quite a fan base going on here you know . Remember to ring the professionals to talk if you feel bad. [/quote]

Blimey Clare, you've made my vision go all blurry!! So thank you very much for that flattering comment!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 12:19:39 GMT

So sorry you’re feeling down Julian . I’m standing in the rain watching my Labrador bounding around . She’s very happy and she always makes me feel better watching her. She’s got elbow arthritis , only five years old but she just keeps bouncing. I hope the kites make you feel better too, such beautiful birds. Don’t forget there are so many people who care about you. You’ve got quite a fan base going on here you know . Remember to ring the professionals to talk if you feel bad.

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 11:28:58 GMT

A very vaguely similar iea is that we think that we now know where ""OurKites" are nesting nearby. If correct my wife and I can cycle down a bridleway from just outside the house for two for about 1-2 miles and be underneath the small wood involved. if this is correct and goes to plan it will lift my spirits more than anything else can think of rihight now! " crossed fingers for sure...! I need this right now being desperately low to be honest!!

Thank you...!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 20:40:00 GMT

[quote userid="7269" url="~/001/nonclinical/f/off-duty-discussions/29670/can-anyone-help-please/233988#233988"]ulian to add to the suggestion of a flying course with raptors, our local bird of prey centre runs these and they are very popula[/quote]

Thank you yet again Joyce. Another great idea.I shall look into this as we do have a falconry centre not too far away. I am not allowed to drive any more sowould have to cycle there? It is about 10-12miles away so not too bad! I shall investigate this and thanks again for the idea!!

'Bye for now...!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Joyce Whitehead — Tue, 16 Nov 2021 19:47:12 GMT

Julian to add to the suggestion of a flying course with raptors, our local bird of prey centre runs these and they are very popular (my husband and son did one a few years ago). We are actually the vets for this centre (with the proviso we can refer on to a specialist as required) so are lucky enough to see quite a few bird patients. But the other thing is that this centre relies heavily on lots of volunteers, so that would also be worth looking in to if there are any near you? It could be really rewarding.

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Sun, 14 Nov 2021 05:04:55 GMT

[quote userid="2122" url="~/001/nonclinical/f/off-duty-discussions/29670/can-anyone-help-please/233941#233941"]Lovely generous birds twisting and turning, heads akimbo, and impervious to all beneath.
[/quote]

Indeed George! I did not know about the superstitions re. the Red Kites but can see why that might be so, if they are known as scavengers! We joke about vultures circling overhead so in historic England Kites were probably seen exactly the same way?!! But No problem for me thanks! Nowadays of course, following the re-intrduction ofthem from Spain in 1999, they are far from just being restriced to Wales! In te 1970s there were said to be hust 25 to 50 pairs and all in Wales. I bet that we now have that number over here in Lincolnshire!? Areal success story for them?! Not popular with everyone itseems. though? Iknow of oneGamekeeper who hates them!!

In 2019, we went to visit the Feeding Station near Pembery in Wales when I had ridden the National Paracycling championship over there and the Feeding Station was nearby, sowehadto go and see this event!! Very dramatic!! Hundred of Kites circling and diving down at feeding time. We did ge ta lot of film of this nd the sky is quite crowded by Kites. Lovely images!

Very Sorry to hear of your poor wife George! ~I offer my condolences! It does seem to be a plague. I wonder why it is common? Our diets or something else?

Thank you again; and great sympathies again re. Mrs Cooper...

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 22:56:29 GMT

hat is a briliant idea for me Jill, I shall look into it I think. locally if at all possible?

watch this space!

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

George Cooper — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 22:34:38 GMT

Reference your cry for help on here - especially about Red Kites!!

my late wife Sally who succumbed to the awful plague of pancreatic cancer ( lots of MY STORY available thru the red hat link) refused to look upon Red Kites overheads as a positive as she had associated them with the passing of her father (also a George)) previously. Such can only be a superstition but to the recipient it is real.

here in mid wales we see kites daily. Lovely generous birds twisting and turning, heads akimbo, and impervious to all beneath.

my intervention here is because I needed toasted cheese on mouldy bread while watching my FAVE SCORTISH BAND RUNRIG. ON SKY ARTS.

MOULDY bread ?? Only because my son, the BookMan on The Children’s Bookshelf on Facebook, is poorly and me, Grandpa Book (the unpaid hired help) is needed to man the shop til he is well agin. LuckilY a great day of books and kids, so my mouldy bread is irrelevant!!

RUNRIG on tv sky arts is much more important - reflecting my personal roots.

go check it all out, buddy, and see what else is out there for you!!

george

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

KathW — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 21:44:28 GMT

I hear what you are saying and feeling Julian. Then there are so many positives and such passion when you continue and talk about the Red Kites and raptors.

Do you have overwintering swans and geese near you? We’ve been taking more interest in birdwatching and joined the RSPB ( I used to be a junior member and have always been interested in bird watching) and the WWT and have enjoyed many days birdwatching and re building up knowledge of different birds and how to identify them.

The Wetlands trust near to us stays open late on Saturdays in October so people can watch the geese and swans coming back at dusk. It’s quite a sight but I’d like to visit Norfolk or other areas to view the visiting winter birds as well.

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Jill Butterworth — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 20:59:25 GMT

Keep distracting yourself Julian until it passes. Keep busy. Some falconries do demonstrating and 'meet the birds' days. It might be nice to do a course?

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Julian Earl — Sat, 13 Nov 2021 18:17:43 GMT

Sorry everybody and thanks for your support so far! But, Today has been a very bad after another very bad night! My real worry is that I am reaching the end of my tether/resistance/ endurance at resisting this depression! Even jolly music. amusing TV has had negligible effect which is not good. The one brighter thing today was one of "our" Red Kites gliding by or being blown by the strong westerly wind because it had no real choice? past our cottage. I tried to follow its progress with my binoculars but a huge tree got in the way so lost its progress! Our friendly birdwatcher here texted us that he had just seen five together at about the same time which was very excellent news! Plus he David-BW for short, also saw a Peregrine about 1/4 mile from the cottage here as well, buzzing he Kites he reckoned?!!. There is a well-known Peregrine nest in the middle of the town of Louth about 7miles away. Right at the top of Louth church's spire in the centre.... I have seen that one from a friend's house there with a telescope but never seen a Peregrine in free flight! Eyes peeled methinks! I have loved raptors since my teens when even a Kestrel close-by was a thrill. I had enrolled on a Falconry course in Newent Gloucestershire in 1976 but had to cancel and going to University instead!I have heard of some falconer training Kites but don't really think I'd be up for that nowadays!! Sorry for my down-beat tone initially but you have helped me so much so far, this is an obvious port of call for me!

Julian... Lincs.

RE: CAN ANYONE HELP Please?

Jill Butterworth — Thu, 11 Nov 2021 17:47:49 GMT

All sounds good, Julian.Fingers crossed a medication adjustment or some other useful suggestion from the GP might help