Debt problem

RE: Debt problem

Kate Richardson — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 21:59:40 GMT

Maybe Anon doesn't have people that they feel they can talk to about this. Maybe they value the opinions of people on here. Maybe they just want a different perspective. Who knows. It's irrelevant. They asked for help. Hope some of the advice has been useful

RE: Debt problem

Martin Atkinson — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 14:25:56 GMT

[quote user="Edward Jones"] I'm not going to draw direct comparisons lest the authors of those other topics feel picked-on unintentionally by me, but there are many other topics where the author is asking for some sort of non-clinical support. [/quote]I'm really struggling to think of any remotely like the OP Edward. Most commonly it would be or stress or mental illness issues but these are invariably directly linked to veterinary work. For sure there are lots of discussions on non-clinical stuff but these almost always evolve as a tangent or are opened as a matter of general interest. I'm not saying we can't discuss the issues which have arisen from the OP just that there are far more appropriate sources of advice. Some people are sounding like agony aunts.

RE: Debt problem

Bob Russell — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 14:22:50 GMT

I would agree that stress and depression can play a significant part in hidden debt. Spending may be part of the means of relieving depression (retail therapy) and juggling/hiding debt can add significantly to the pressure.

Clearly we don't know much about the specific issues in this case but if it has been enough to have someone post as anon then it is important to post sympathetically and/or helpfully or not at all!

One of the nice sides of VetSurgeon is that people can express their concerns. I cannot think of a single thread here that was not a genuine concern to the poster.

RE: Debt problem

Edward Jones — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 13:33:26 GMT

This topic is no more or less odd than any other non-clinical topic here. I'm not going to draw direct comparisons lest the authors of those other topics feel picked-on unintentionally by me, but there are many other topics where the author is asking for some sort of non-clinical support. But apparently this OP should be excluded from that?! Shame on you.

There's a really easy way of not participating in threads that don't interest you or where you have nothing useful to say, and I'm fairly sure that posting a reply isn't a part of it!

To the OP: from my experience (not personal, however), hidden debt is not uncommon and can form a part of other mental health issues. Once you've confirmed the debt is genuine and sorted a way to deal with it, it might be worth checking both your credit scores through Experian anyway - not as a way of checking up on your partner, but to get knowledge of what to expect when you come to get a mortgage. You must only check your partner's score with their direct consent, of course!

[quote user="Evelyn Barbour-Hill"]Just pay it.[/quote]

Paying a debt off gradually possibly makes more of an impact subconsciously to become better financially oriented.

RE: Debt problem

Bob Russell — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 12:26:38 GMT

To some degree it depends on the size of the debt!

If it goes into thousands or tens of thousands it is a bit different to a few hundred.

I have long since stopped worrying about the hundreds! I worry about the pounds and the thousands and the rest look after themselves!

RE: Debt problem

grumpyoldman — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 18:19:26 GMT

I thought it an odd topic for this environment, Skeletons in cupboards can be young and single but they can also have lots of friends in other places. Nothing in life works without trust.

RE: Debt problem

Martin Atkinson — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 17:52:06 GMT

[quote user="Clare Tapsfield-Wright"]Martin if we can discuss cycling, which could be termed airing your dirty Lycra , then I don’t think we should stop any topic of discussion where the poster may receive some benefit from sharing with colleagues. We can all scroll on by if we want to [/quote]Fair enough but cycling is a mutual interest among a disproportionate number of members of this forum albeit it may engender a Marmite like reaction in some. I really don't see how personal relationships which are not in any way related to veterinary practice, other than someone owes a vet some money, is remotely suitable for this forum.

Maybe I'm too judgmental, don't worry Anon, I won't make another comment.

RE: Debt problem

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 17:20:26 GMT

Martin if we can discuss cycling, which could be termed airing your dirty Lycra , then I don’t think we should stop any topic of discussion where the poster may receive some benefit from sharing with colleagues. We can all scroll on by if we want to

RE: Debt problem

Martin Atkinson — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 16:52:11 GMT

[quote user="Gillian Mostyn"]I am a little cynical about this post...its a bit odd.[/quote]It was exactly my first reaction which is why I didn't answer. Sympathy if Anon is genuine but you do seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill and this really is not the place to air your dirty laundry there are better resources to help you. This is not an issue for a veterinary forum it is an agony aunt column problem.

RE: Debt problem

Clive Ansell — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 15:46:59 GMT

[quote user="Evelyn Barbour-Hill"]Just pay it.[/quote]

The problem with that could be that someone might just get into debt again, as there is someone else in the back ground to just pay it off.

If it were me in the original post, it would be a trust issue, and I would be wondering and asking myself what other skeletons are in the cupboard, specifically any other debts? by default I would almost always give benefit of the doubt, but would want an all cards on the table honest and open discussion about it.

RE: Debt problem

Evelyn Barbour-Hill — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 15:23:02 GMT

[quote user="Bob Russell"]

It can be worked through whatever the size of debt but only with complete openness on both sides.

There is help with debt management and the owner of the debt (practice or otherwise) would be sensible to accept a payment plan than lose the lot.

[/quote]

Just pay it.

RE: Debt problem

Edward Jones — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 10:00:23 GMT

You need to confirm the debt is genuine.

RE: Debt problem

Bob Russell — Mon, 11 Dec 2017 09:16:12 GMT

I think you should be prepared for there to be more debt.

My wife got herself into a situation with her credit card that erupted exactly a year ago!! She had spent months trying to move stuff around.

She had been offered more and more credit on the card and together with problems with our daughter she rather lost the plot!

Once I was sure I had the whole picture as much as could be was cleared. Some was moved onto a low interest (actually zero) credit card and that is being tackled.

It has taken a lot of time for trust to start to return as I had previously considered her pretty savvy. I still have an element of doubt to this day and I just have to live with that.

Been there, done that, got the T shirt if you want to PM me then feel free to do so.

It can be worked through whatever the size of debt but only with complete openness on both sides.

There is help with debt management and the owner of the debt (practice or otherwise) would be sensible to accept a payment plan than lose the lot.

Best of luck!

RE: Debt problem

Sarah McGurk — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 19:45:48 GMT

[quote user="Robin Grimmer"]

Get off your high horse George. The fact that the debt is now in the hands of debt collectors, and the OP's partner is ignoring their letters and leaving them unopened for weeks - all points towards it being the tip of the iceberg.

[/quote]

It’s also important to find out, or it would be for me. It could have all kinds of implications on borrowing. If the OP marries this person, then the debt would legally be theirs as well.

Not sure whether I’d immediately assume a hidden iceberg, it could be a dispute over one specific invoice, but it’s a red flag.

RE: Debt problem

Anthony Todd — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 18:30:37 GMT

I reiterate, if they are in the hands of legal High Court debt collectors, not just the debtor, watch "Can't Pay We'll take it away" who are surprisingly helpful in most cases.

RE: Debt problem

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 18:19:41 GMT

I share the slight unease that this is not a genuine post , mainly because I don’t understand why the poster doesn’t just ask their partner what it is all about. It might all be a mistake somewhere along the line if it is just based on one letter.

Also this couple might be two women.

RE: Debt problem

Robin Grimmer — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 17:23:37 GMT

[quote user="Evelyn Barbour-Hill"]

[quote user="Robin Grimmer"]Get off your high horse George. The fact that the debt is now in the hands of debt collectors, and the OP's partner is ignoring their letters and leaving them unopened for weeks - all points towards it being the tip of the iceberg. [/quote]

FFS this is the bloke's partner - of four years - near as dammit married - not some casual shagging shack-up. He doesn't need to hire a private detective to spy on her, he needs to talk to her. And if it eventually spills out that she has other debts, pay those as well.

[/quote]

Keep your hair on! Of course he needs to talk to her, just don't be surprised if there are other debts as well. Whether he pays them or not is up to him/them - none of our business. But if they are thinking of getting a mortgage together - then if she has debts, CCJs etc then that is significant.

RE: Debt problem

Evelyn Barbour-Hill — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 17:00:06 GMT

RE: Debt problem

Robin Grimmer — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 10:59:00 GMT

[quote user="Gillian Mostyn"]

[quote user="George Cooper"]FFS -You are in the driving seat so ignore these doom-mongers. Take it at FACE VALUE until you find there is more. ASSUMING that this is that iceberg tip is simply scaremongering.[/quote]

Indicating that the OP needs to assume their partner has debts elsewhere is simply being realistic, not scaremongering. Unless you think this person has an aversion to vets...in which case their current choice of partner is odd.

[quote user="George Cooper"]These responses merely demonstrate how little empathy they have - which, I must say, is predictable on this site..........[/quote]

If a vet came in here in despair due to high levels of debt in their practice, possibly leading to bankruptcy, where would your sympathy lie? How much empathy would you be showing their debtors?

Pretty difficult to show empathy when you don't know the facts of the story, I'd say.

Anyway, like Michael, I am a little cynical about this post...its a bit odd.

[/quote]

RE: Debt problem

Anthony Todd — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 10:27:03 GMT

Do something ASAP as the next she or you'll experience is the debt collector at the door and the added fees can be enormous with absolutely no warning and no leeway or negotiation except of the now much larger sum.

Watch "Can't pay; we'll take it away" to appreciate the process.

RE: Debt problem

Gillian Mostyn — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 07:41:53 GMT

[quote user="George Cooper"]These responses merely demonstrate how little empathy they have - which, I must say, is predictable on this site..........[/quote]

If a vet came in here in despair due to high levels of debt in their practice, possibly leading to bankruptcy, where would your sympathy lie? How much empathy would you be showing their debtors?

Pretty difficult to show empathy when you don't know the facts of the story, I'd say.

Anyway, like Michael, I am a little cynical about this post...its a bit odd.

RE: Debt problem

Sarah McGurk — Sat, 09 Dec 2017 23:17:04 GMT

I’m with those who think the first step is just to ask. If you don’t feel able, then there are going to be problems in the future.

Are there other trust issues?

RE: Debt problem

Michael Woodhouse — Sat, 09 Dec 2017 22:46:41 GMT

I agree with George, other than knowing my wife I wouldn't pick a public place.

[quote user="Evelyn Barbour-Hill"]Do you love her? Do you want to stay together, marry, have children? If so, break it to her tactfully that you know about the debt – do all the things George Cooper said – pay the debt and put it all behind you.

If you can't do that for her, then you don't love her and you might as well chuck her out.[/quote]

I also agree with Evelyn, why is this bothering you so much? Are you honestly looking for an 'out' or has this just been a shock? I too know people who've been in a similar position and everything worked out, but firstly the debt needs sorting, even if it delays buying the house etc.

I'm pretty disgusted by the suggestion to run a credit search on your partner.

RE: Debt problem

Evelyn Barbour-Hill — Sat, 09 Dec 2017 22:01:24 GMT

[quote user="An On MRCVS"]I'm shocked as I never had any debts anywhere. It feels like a big betrayal and I'm wondering if the relationship can continue.[/quote]

A betrayal? Don't be ridiculous. Are you maybe looking for an excuse to end the "relationship"? Do you love her? Do you want to stay together, marry, have children? If so, break it to her tactfully that you know about the debt – do all the things George Cooper said – pay the debt and put it all behind you.

If you can't do that for her, then you don't love her and you might as well chuck her out.

RE: Debt problem

Mark Rowland — Sat, 09 Dec 2017 18:07:21 GMT

Hmm Never had a pet

Vets 10 miles away that you have never heard of?

Are you a vet at all?

Wanting to know how to deal with a debt at a vets?

Sceptic head here sorry. My bad