A little light relief...

Re: A little light relief...

John Alborough — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 10:19:42 GMT

Brilliant!

Re: A little light relief...

Laurence Webb — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 23:24:10 GMT

I'd think those were made up, apart from a true story I have to tell...

After buying our 1st DVD player we went to the video shop to hire a couple of DVDs. Having watched them I said to my wife that I'd take them back, only to be asked "Don't you need to rewind them first?"

Awww bless.

Re: A little light relief...

Utlendigur — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 22:44:15 GMT

IDIOT SPOTTING

You may know some of these people, you may even work with them.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I
gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a
twenty pencepiece as well.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my
request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're
sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING #2
We had to have the garage door repaired.. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR
made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady,
you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not.
Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used Garador repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING #3
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the
Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I
don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING #4
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered. She asked the
person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg lettuce....

IDIOT SIGHTING #5
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?' I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

Happened at Luton Airport...UK

IDIOT SIGHTING #6
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind
people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!'
She is a Local County Council employee in Harrow, Middlesex, UK....

IDIOT SIGHTING #7
When my husband and I arrived at our Local Ford dealer to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock
the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the fitter/mechanic, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans,Hertfordshire UK.....

STAY ALERT! They walk among us.... and the scary part is that is they have the RIGHT TO VOTE and REPRODUCE!

Re: A little light relief...

Mike Martin — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:56:54 GMT

Only in Ireland

So, how did they get out? Was it a magic illusion? Or Helicopter rescue?

Re: A little light relief...

Gillian Mostyn — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:00:51 GMT

Another one pinched from the nurses:

These workmen are installing bollards to stop nurses from parking on the pavement outside the Royal Hospital in Belfast .
They are cleaning up at the end of the day.

How long do you think it will be before they realise that they can't go home?
This is a real photograph..!

Re: A little light relief...

listhestar — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:56:00 GMT

[quote user="phipps"]

Took me three reads, but very funny.

[/quote]

Glad it wasn't just me

Re: A little light relief...

Glen McIntosh — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:48:15 GMT

Took me three reads, but very funny.

Re: A little light relief...

listhestar — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 14:29:03 GMT

[quote user="Gillian Mostyn"]Puzzled, the client asks if that will work. Vet replies that it worked for him and then hangs up.[/quote]

Brilliant- had to read it twice then laughed- must be getting slower as I get older :)

Lisa

Re: A little light relief...

Gillian Mostyn — Sat, 30 May 2009 13:22:43 GMT

Client rings emergency vet number at midnight, distressed because his two dogs are mating and he can't separate them. Vet tells the client to ring his own mobile phone. Puzzled, the client asks if that will work. Vet replies that it worked for him and then hangs up.

Re: A little light relief...

Evelyn Barbour-Hill — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:38:37 GMT

Please keep our emergency phone number handy on your mobile phone. This will make it easier for you to phone at one in the morning to ask what to do with a dead cat you have just found on your way home from the pub.

If you don't find the advice what you wanted, that's just the vet joshing around. Feel free to come to his house and bang on the door. Remember, he works quite hard and may be asleep at that time, so bang loudly for a long time.

Re: A little light relief...

Pete Wedderburn — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:20:10 GMT

Here's a video for fitness enthusiasts: why not include your dog in your routine?

www.youtube.com/watch

Re: A little light relief...

Rudolph — Fri, 29 May 2009 12:52:43 GMT

Thought we might adopt this for new clients :)

Dear Client,

Welcome to our practice. The following are some suggestions of how to make things more pleasant for our staff.

As you have already figured out your scheduled appointment time is just a suggestion. Feel free to ignore it and do as you please.

If you are not going to show up, please do not call. We like the suspense of trying to figure out what you are going to do. Some times we run bets on it. So as you can see, calling and informing us of your intentions would just take the fun out of our day.

Verbal abuse is always appreciated. If possible, wait until the waiting room is full. Please be creative in your profanity, we all like to expand our vocabulary.

Do not put your dog on a leash or your cat in a carrier. Just let them loose as soon as you walk in. The staff enjoys a little pandemonium.

Bring as many small children as possible. Three or more is preferred. If you don’t have that many, borrow from your neighbours (look for the most poorly behaved). Make sure they all have juice and crayons because we love to clean. Also, we encourage them to jump on the furniture, displays and play rough with the hospital cat and go through the drawers.

Do not bring any prior records as we request. Calling other clinics gives us time to catch up with old friends.

We’re just kidding when we suggest that you bring a stool or urine sample. That’s gross. We’ll just get it off out waiting room floor after your dog relieves him/herself everywhere.

Please feel free to stay on your cell phone. Handless headsets are preferred because it really makes it challenging to figure out if you are talking to us or the person on the phone. Make sure to call back later and ask us questions about all the things we were trying to explain.

When giving information about your pet be as vague as possible. The doctor is psychic and can communicate with your pet so it’s really just a formality anyway.

Wait until the vet is using the stethoscope before reciting the life story of your pet. It really is just for show, the vet never has any intention of listening to the intricacies of the heart and thorax.

Be sure to insist we follow your breeder’s recommendations, especially about anaesthesia and vaccines. Our schooling and training really doesn’t teach us much, so we appreciate the guidance.

Give medications as you see fit. We just put the instruction labels on them because the label printer is cool. We understand that when the condition doesn’t resolve, it is our fault, not yours.

Don’t tell us all the other vets had to muzzle your dog until after he/she tries to bite. It keeps our reflexes sharp. Besides, it is more of a challenge to muzzle a dog once he/she is all worked up.

If your cat is hissing and upset, please put your hands and face as close to his/her mouth as possible. He/she would never bite you. If a bite did occur from your own stupidity, it is our fault anyway.

Ignore the staff only signs. Just wonder around as you please. Stick your hands in all the cages. If your child is wondering around, we prefer him/her to be barefoot.

If your pet is sick please wait a minimum of three days before having him/her seen. Also, be sure to exhaust all treatments available over the counter or at the pet shop before brining him/her into be examined. We love seeing sick animals after 4pm on a Friday afternoon, so make sure you wait until the last minute to bring your pet in.

Always complain about the bill. We know our prices are too high. In general, we tend to be greedy and don’t care about your animal.

We look forward to caring for your pet. If you have any suggestions about what we can do to make life easier for you and more difficult for us, please do not hesitate to let us know.

Re: A little light relief...

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 29 May 2009 09:08:23 GMT

I have also added a 'funny' gallery on VetSurgeon for added light relief (and latest additions to the galleries now appear on the home page, for those that haven't scrolled down that far yet!)

Here's the latest one I've added:

www.youtube.com/watch

Still, hard to beat Fabian's contribution to that gallery. But everyone, please feel free to add anything funny you come across on youtube and other video sharing sites.