CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

Neil Wheadon — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 23:25:36 GMT

[quote user="grumpyoldman"]To the public its like checking out a restaurant on trip advisor most people give it 4/5* then there is the retired grumpy teacher who thought the chairs were bad because they had a bad back and forgot to take their meds and the food was cold and the pretty waitress was a bit surly etc etc . Most people, the ones that matter know who's opinion to ignore. [/quote]

So true, a bad review is a good thing. I use Trip Advisor a lot as book maybe 30 different accommodation providers every year. There are reviews that are clearly written by friends of the hosts that praise the places to the rafters, bad reviews make you believe the good ones.

5% is close to the 2% I've read about in a travel publication. Basically 2% of your clientele, you can do little to please, they are who they are. You simply can't please everyone all the time, just remember the 95-98% who come back, it's tough at times because those 2% can also be the disruptive ones and that's hard, but it passes.

Neil

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

grumpyoldman — Sat, 01 Oct 2016 21:26:32 GMT

At any one moment in time 5% of the population are not the full quid. They also have keyboards. You just have to play with a flat bat and appear reasonable. If someones having a grumble and being dealt with ,that looks much more realistic than 109 people saying the sun shines out of your every oriface even if it does most of the time. Lots of people will see it as normal. To the public its like checking out a restaurant on trip advisor most people give it 4/5* then there is the retired grumpy teacher who thought the chairs were bad because they had a bad back and forgot to take their meds and the food was cold and the pretty waitress was a bit surly etc etc . Most people, the ones that matter know who's opinion to ignore.

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

J G Wray — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 23:40:10 GMT

[quote user="Francisco Gomez"]A

But it is wrong to assume that people are 'capable' of not accepting bullying. Bullies prey on those who are unable or haven't found they way to detach themselves from the bully. That is, in fact, the reason it happens in social media - It is not enough to shut down the phone or the computer because the damage happens in the victim's mind, and like in a vicious circle, it consumes it by hurting itself in a game of self-blame

[/quote]

As I said before, I wasn't thinking about the extreme of bullying, more the mundane. But, in either situation there is merit in not being a victim, nor crying foul, nor indulging in self pity. Whilst personality may be pretty fixed, behaviours are not and can be coached, a sense of proportion can be given and an audience's sense of fairness appealed to.

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

Francisco Gomez — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 15:53:05 GMT

[quote user="J G Wray"]

you can't be bullied anyway if you don't accept it.

[/quote]

You are right to say that you can't be bullied if you don't accept it.

You might have an almost near-perfect control of your own mind, but we can't pretend that everybody around us enjoy the same virtue. A tangent I suppose.

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

J G Wray — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 13:27:49 GMT

[quote user="Jill Butterworth"]Now, the bully is in their bedroom, publicly humiliating them in front of ALL their friends, not just a few on the street.[/quote]

I'm not drawing an analogy here with something like bullying, because you can't be collectively bullied and you can't be bullied anyway if you don't accept it.

On the other side of the coin, if you put yourself in a public place then criticism will flow your way at some point, because the world is not all unicorns and flowers. Claiming to be bullied is an easy thing, when someone is being assertive or critical and clouds judgement about the merits of the criticism or the need for assertiveness. It is almost a hypocrisy, in my view, or at least a playground cry of "That's not fair" to complain about criticism per se. I don't want hypocrites or teenagers on the other end of a criticism I make and I'm pretty sure it works the other way round, so our practice response to recent Facebook stuff has, by chance, been measured, thoughtful and caring. We are not crying "foul".

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

Arlo Guthrie — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 09:02:07 GMT

[quote user="J G Wray"]The effect of criticism on social media seems to have taken on a life of its own, with otherwise "balanced" individuals, prepared to take the vicissitudes of life and deal with them, becoming unsettled or worse by poor comments or criticism when it's delivered by social media.[/quote]

And it's easy to understand why.

Firstly, unlike the spoken word, the written word is read to mean only what the reader believes it to mean. In our minds we exaggerate the meaning of written words, so a mild rebuke, or a curt reply can be taken as the most dreadful slight. By contrast, the written word is usually softened by facial expression and gestures.

Second, it's the fact that when you read something that is seemingly critical online, there is usually no way to challenge it properly immediately (ie say 'look here, that's out of order', and know the author will read it and account for their words immediately). So stuff online festers.

And lastly, because it is:

[quote user="Jill Butterworth"]publicly humiliating them in front of ALL their friends[/quote]

or professional colleagues.

My advice is always: regardless of what is written about you online, ALWAYS reply with good grace, humour or charm, because you are not replying for the benefit of the author of the criticism, you're replying for the benefit of everyone else. And if you reply in that way, you can take some satisfaction in knowing that everyone else will think the author of the criticism is a plonker, and you are not! (whether 'you' is a person or a company).

James Blunt, the singer, has it down to an art form:

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/12/31/26-reasons-why-james-blunt-won-at-twitter-in-2013/

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

Francisco Gomez — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 08:12:44 GMT

There is this old fashion theme of 'banning' words, internet pages, censor newspaper/publicity and now, the permanent social media storm, which is useful for certain things, but defintely a problem for slander, bullying and, more worrying, ill-advice.

And it is old-fashion, of course. I feel the younger generation are slowly more prepared for this than the older guys - they are starting to differentiate earlier how much 'cr*p' people talk in social media and how many things written by sometimes, unkown individuals, shouldn't be taken at face value.

The internet, the media, cannot be stopped (and even if you have plenty of cash, you can saturate, but not drown those who appeal to emotion). The only answer is to educate the reader. But who is, today, educating the reader?

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

Jill Butterworth — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 00:03:11 GMT

Interesting... A friend of mine is the a school governor and it is discussed that the new social media bullying that children are subjected to, is potentially far worse than the old fashioned, on the way home from school sort, which can be put into perspective by mum.

Now, the bully is in their bedroom, publicly humiliating them in front of ALL their friends, not just a few on the street. And of course they can't simply block them or not look, because they then are not one of the 'in crowd' either.

Alistair Campbell's book 'Winners' is very interesting on this subject, when you consider press hounding. All you can do is be seen to behave correctly...

RE: CURSE Criticism on social media, Unhappiness, Resilience and a SEnse of proportion

Bob Russell — Thu, 29 Sep 2016 15:07:42 GMT

Anyone wishing to put their problems in perspective should consider those living in Aleppo. A few, pretty odd people with sometimes vicious minds, taking advantage of their perceived power to hurt, cannot compare to those living and dying in that hell hole.

Odd people with vicious minds armed with powerful pen*s extensions in the form of barrel bombs and shells put social media into context.

Read it, learn any lessons and move on.