Problem children!

RE: Problem children!

Silvia Maldonado — Sun, 03 Apr 2016 22:15:07 GMT

Now I understand Einstein's Relativity Theory...

RE: Problem children!

Hannah Wynne Richards — Sat, 02 Apr 2016 08:56:17 GMT

An hour with a badly behaved child can seem like a year!

Wynne

RE: Problem children!

Silvia Maldonado — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 22:46:34 GMT

Awwww... Wynne

RE: Problem children!

Martin Atkinson — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 11:58:29 GMT

[quote user="Clare Tapsfield-Wright"]Try dancing with them in front of their friends and you'll see how "cool" they really think you are[/quote]We've been here before so those who've heard this before can yawn and turn the page now. They say they can't understand why other children are embarrassed when their parents are dancing/fooling about because we are just enjoying ourselves. We used to win the father/daughter dancing prize at school events; Emily actually told me to take my top off and dance on the table in St Anton last year and when asked by one of my friends how embarrassing I was on a scale of 1-10 she said, '0 I'm proud of him, he's my hero'; her friends say I'm the coolest dad they've ever met and several have said they want me to adopt them. I unfortunately mis-heard one and thought she said she wanted me to abduct her but it turned out alright in the end!

RE: Problem children!

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 10:51:25 GMT

They probably don't really think you're cool but they love you so they tell you you are. Try dancing with them in front of their friends and you'll see how "cool" they really think you are

RE: Problem children!

Martin Atkinson — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 10:21:43 GMT

[quote user="Gillian Mostyn"]Your wife deserves a medal![/quote]As much as I may be loathe to admit it she has been the model mother but they don't say she's cool!

RE: Problem children!

Gillian Mostyn — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 10:05:32 GMT

[quote user="Martin Atkinson"]The greatest legacy I have from mine is that when they introduce me to their friends they say, 'this is my dad, he taught me everything I know, he's cool and I'm so proud of him'.[/quote]

Your wife deserves a medal!

RE: Problem children!

Hannah Wynne Richards — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 10:04:14 GMT

Edward. You've had 2 children If no-one has more than that, and some (like me) don't have any, then they may inhabit a decent world.

If world population continues to explode at the present rate, then by the time they're my age, world population will be > 13 billion - and life will be absolutely horrendous.

Wynne

RE: Problem children!

Martin Atkinson — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 09:56:49 GMT

[quote user="Edward Jones"]Having two daughters - one 8 months old, the other 2 years old - I was already feeling anxious about the kind of world we'd brought them into. But reading this thread has terrified me![/quote]I can understand you being anxious about the world they are going to inherit but so has every generation before, there will always be problems to overcome - just different problems.

Not wishing to teach granny how to suck eggs but IME, as for parenting, just be normal, not pushy or over-ambitious, accept them for what they are and spend every last moment of the time you can with them as quality time. I did loads of 'dad things' with mine and continue to do so even into their late teens. Once you have children you have to accept that their life is your life and they are your reason for living but not over-protect them or make them think they are precious things. The greatest legacy I have from mine is that when they introduce me to their friends they say, 'this is my dad, he taught me everything I know, he's cool and I'm so proud of him'. That can only make you swell with pride and make you realise you must have done most things right and brings a tear to my eye even writing this because I know that I'm the luckiest man alive.

RE: Problem children!

Hannah Wynne Richards — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 09:43:47 GMT

If I'd made the mistake of having a child, that could have been me!

Wynne

RE: Problem children!

Gillian Mostyn — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 09:13:43 GMT

[quote user="Hannah Wynne Richards"] I'll cheerfully admit to being the least maternal woman on this planet. [/quote]

RE: Problem children!

Silvia Maldonado — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 03:05:01 GMT

[quote user="George Cooper"]

There is NO "normal" or "abnormal" in anything. [/quote]

Snap cPLi!!!

RE: Problem children!

Edward Jones — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 19:48:07 GMT

Having two daughters - one 8 months old, the other 2 years old - I was already feeling anxious about the kind of world we'd brought them into. But reading this thread has terrified me!

RE: Problem children!

George Cooper — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 18:54:33 GMT

There is NO "normal" or "abnormal" in anything. There simply "IS". And we have to accept that. We get what we get. When, 3 days before our wedding we got the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer necessitating major surgery the following week, we thought the blackest of thoughts - but (and this is prompted by Arlo's comment) when Sal's daughter plunged into anorexia - that was far, far worse than anything the cancer threw at us. The only saving grace was that, because of it, Sally was able to coach her daughter through it thereby deflecting her attention from her own condition.

I still maintain that the anorexia, despite utilising the inspirational London Hospital (Maudsley??) method of challenging it, was far far worse than the cancer, surgery, chemo, and eventual Hospice assistance. It is a complete bastard of a screwed up thinking disorder and has, sadly, affected the relationship I have with her. Which i understand, and accept.

NONE of us has a guaranteed passage through this life and what can the thrown at us - we need to accept and then do whatever is necessary to seek a good outcome...........(easy words to type, yeah?)

RE: Problem children!

Bob Russell — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 16:11:57 GMT

No Arlo!

You have real problems, ours are self-inflicted albeit mostly by the child (and teenagers are really overgrown children) but possibly by overprotective parents.

Our daughter considers us to be abnormal parents but did have a moment of hesitation when I asked whether she thought it normal for me to have more messages from her school on my phone than anyone else! I showed her the list of messages!

i have no doubts it will settle down eventually but there is almost nothing worse than seeing a child on a self-destructive course and being powerless to prevent it!

On a very cautiously optimistic note, she has had some maths revision notes sent from school so it might just be she is going to put a burst of work before her exams!

RE: Problem children!

Arlo Guthrie — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 15:46:42 GMT

[quote user="Phil Hyde"]Our daughter, on the other hand, simply ran away to a life of drugs, abuse, theft and desperation. We eventually had to get her somewhere to live, a small one room studio. She still lives there with, get this, her boyfriend, her baby, and two large dangerous breed dogs, one of which is a puppy. The floor of this one room is their toilet.[/quote]

Phil, my god how awful for all of you. Must say, it puts my own difficulties in perspective: I often think how much tougher it must be for parents of 'problem children' who either go off the rails or suffer some psychological problem like anorexia, than it is for us with a child who is 'stuck' at a mental age of 4, but utterly adorable in every other respect.

[quote user="Clare Tapsfield-Wright"]I love it when other people's children achieve and do everything I would have wished for mine . I delight in my nephew and nieces success , one at Oxford , one at Cambridge! I'm really happy for them. I am delighted that Martins daughters have done so well and that he is so proud of them .It's great to work with brilliant young vets and and see them get married , have children and all the stuff I know mine won't be doing. Life isn't a competition, you play the cards dealt you and I've met some incredible people through my sons . I think I like this list because it's a bit detached from my everyday life and circle of friends and there's the common bond of all things veterinary so it's good to be a part of it .[/quote]

What an exceptionally lovely post.

RE: Problem children!

Malcolm Ness — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 14:58:10 GMT

[quote user="Martin Atkinson"]'I've gone slightly mad'![/quote]

Only "slightly" - it is not like you to be so mediocre!

RE: Problem children!

Martin Atkinson — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 12:18:48 GMT

[quote user="Phil Hyde"]Pass that one by me again?[/quote]In short, as Freddie Mercury would have said, 'I've gone slightly mad'!

RE: Problem children!

George Cooper — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 11:11:13 GMT

[quote user="Hannah Wynne Richards"]

My opinion of babies is that one end's noisy, and the other smelly!

[/quote]

I think, Wynne, given your lack of practical experience in these matters, that it is only right and proper to point out that these things do not (usually) pertain in perpetuity. (Though, if male, there's a tendency for both ends to become noisy... ... ...).

RE: Problem children!

Bob Russell — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 11:07:15 GMT

Wynne - most women I know are 'the least maternal people in the world' until they have a child! The most 'anti-child' people have shown themselves to be the best parents in the end.

I have two boys in their 20's that I am immensely proud of (also immensely irritated by) and our daughter has been a source of great pride in the past.

The change in her has been a real shock to our system and the idea that someone so straight forward can become pretty much impossible has been totally unexpected.

I am confident that she will be back but there are so many bridges that she will have to rebuild that it is going to take some time. At the moment I am not willing to compromise nor is she!

Parents have been going through this for millennia but the pressures from outside have never been so insidious!

Boys are much easier than girls!!

RE: Problem children!

Phil Hyde — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 10:45:47 GMT

[quote user="Martin Atkinson"]I do sometimes wonder if I'm the only normal person in the world. I then realise that there is no such thing as normal but wonder if a madman thinks that everyone else is mad and he is he only who is sane, what does that make me?

[/quote]

Pass that one by me again?

RE: Problem children!

Martin Atkinson — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 10:09:30 GMT

[quote user="Phil Hyde"]You are excluding yourself of course?[/quote]I do sometimes wonder if I'm the only normal person in the world. I then realise that there is no such thing as normal but wonder if a madman thinks that everyone else is mad and he is he only who is sane, what does that make me?

RE: Problem children!

Hannah Wynne Richards — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 08:51:12 GMT

I'll cheerfully admit to being the least maternal woman on this planet. My opinion of babies is that one end's noisy, and the other smelly! Probably the reason I can see so clearly the damage excess reproduction is doing to the environment is I've never been even remotely tempted to add to the population pressure.

Claire is right that it's a good thing that formerly taboo subjects can now be discussed. When I was a child, an aunt was frequently hospitalised due to being a severe manic depressive (now called bipolar disorder) That was considered a serious family scandal, and definitely not something one mentioned in company!

Wynne

RE: Problem children!

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 22:12:17 GMT

I love it when other people's children achieve and do everything I would have wished for mine . I delight in my nephew and nieces success , one at Oxford , one at Cambridge! I'm really happy for them. I am delighted that Martins daughters have done so well and that he is so proud of them .It's great to work with brilliant young vets and and see them get married , have children and all the stuff I know mine won't be doing. Life isn't a competition, you play the cards dealt you and I've met some incredible people through my sons . I think I like this list because it's a bit detached from my everyday life and circle of friends and there's the common bond of all things veterinary so it's good to be a part of it .[quote user="Gillian Mostyn"]

My children are OK ( but only 11 and 12 so ....plenty of time yet..) But I do have a dysfunctional mother. Does that count?

[/quote]

RE: Problem children!

Gillian Mostyn — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 20:27:36 GMT

My children are OK ( but only 11 and 12 so ....plenty of time yet..) But I do have a dysfunctional mother. Does that count?