Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Liz w — Wed, 21 Sep 2016 07:56:01 GMT

This is an old thread so hopefully they already have made changes.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

gdbvet — Wed, 21 Sep 2016 07:21:41 GMT

An abusive workplace is like an abusive marriage.Just walk.No explanation.It won't get better.Look at the emotional damage it has inflicted on you already.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

bevs2251 — Tue, 20 Sep 2016 04:11:00 GMT

Walk away from that practice, not veterinary practice. Sounds like you are a great vet to cope with all those emergency cases. I've had to deal with rude nurses as a locum/part-timer who does things "differently". I might put up with it for a while, then let fly (however I am older, and an Aussie so we don't put up with a lot of BS !!). I advise these upstarts that I am the veterinarian and the buck stops with me legally, so do what I ask them to. As for unfamiliar computer systems, better for them to help you or everything gets even further behind. I would have a strong word with the management.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Hannah Wynne Richards — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 08:54:52 GMT

Welcome back. You, like Nhombokisheni are the sort who will contribute to this country, and so are welcome.

Wynne

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Alet Engelbrecht — Wed, 06 Apr 2016 19:55:22 GMT

[quote user="Clare Tapsfield-Wright"]Yes , I was , sorry , schoolgirl error .Good to see someone so courageous taking on Zuma and his corruption ,it is such a beautiful country SA and gives hope it won't go the same way as Zimbabwe. Are you in SA now Alet ? [/quote]

Yes, I moved back to SA 5 years ago. Quite disillusioned with things as they stand here - politics, economy and vet profession, so have made the tough decision to pack my bags for British shores again. Not sure how dramatically things have changed on your side since, but whatever you have, treasure it, as it can be worse. See you all in May!

Been off on a tangent, my apologies to the OP, but getting back to it now.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Silvia Maldonado — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 14:46:44 GMT

Back to the subject , here is a podcast that I want to share with you all: Emotional well-being in veterinary practice

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Stephen Courtney — Sun, 03 Apr 2016 18:54:04 GMT

I think Cde Bob has a portrait hidden away that reflects his true nature. He also spends a lot of time in China where presumably alternative medical practices are keeping him unfeasibly healthy.

The final theory is that he did in fact die years ago, and is merely a puppet figurehead manipulated by the political elite behind the scenes.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

bob lehner — Sun, 03 Apr 2016 09:54:05 GMT

[quote user="David Mills"]

[quote user="Nhombokisheni"]

I decided to go see Uncle Bob before he departs these shores......and get some much needed vitamin D replenishment.

Nice to be back......Thank you

[/quote]

Come on - show some respect 'Comrade Bob', not 'Uncle Bob'... and surely he's never going to 'depart these shores' - he's immortal.

(I thought ' E ba gum' was a trendy thing in nightclubs 'oop north' back in the nineties when they discovered a new form of ecstasy in gel form, which was rubbed onto the oral mucosa for a quick effect).

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Sun, 03 Apr 2016 08:44:33 GMT

Yes , I was , sorry , schoolgirl error .Good to see someone so courageous taking on Zuma and his corruption ,it is such a beautiful country SA and gives hope it won't go the same way as Zimbabwe. Are you in SA now Alet ?

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Michael Woodhouse — Sun, 03 Apr 2016 00:53:50 GMT

[quote user="Nhombokisheni"]

Please yorkies, please take back your son........!!!!!!!

[/quote]

Bugger off lad. E's now t'dae wi me.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Alet Engelbrecht — Sat, 02 Apr 2016 22:47:04 GMT

[quote user="Clare Tapsfield-Wright"]one wife is more than enough [/quote]

Nope, that's our president you're thinking of. Currently 4 wives and an estimated 20 children according to wikipedia. #Zumamustfall Never a dull moment here in Africa.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Sat, 02 Apr 2016 13:00:09 GMT

No thanks , he's all yours ! He wouldn't need an extension to accomodate his swimming pool up here in the Pennines and most yorkshiremen think one wife is more than enough

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Nhombokisheni — Sat, 02 Apr 2016 12:46:37 GMT

Please yorkies, please take back your son........!!!!!!!

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

David Mills — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 12:56:02 GMT

[quote user="Nhombokisheni"]

I decided to go see Uncle Bob before he departs these shores......and get some much needed vitamin D replenishment.

Nice to be back......Thank you

[/quote]

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

George Cooper — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 10:55:44 GMT

[quote user="Utlendigur"]

[quote user="George Cooper"]When I say it is never ever personal.......here's an example! albeit slightly facile! When someone says to you as a straight-haired blonde "I really HATE your black curly hair" just ask yourself the question "Who has the problem?" The answer always is the other person, because what they are expressing is merely 'their OPINION' and not the facts. Only you know what the truth is in a situation.[/quote]

The problem is that if you are in a situation where someone who has authority over you or a degree of importance in your life - whether that is a boss, a partner, a colleague, a parent - systematically runs you down with unwarranted criticism and other negative behaviour, it sticks. Even if you know on some level that it isn't you, even if everyone else tells you the exact opposite to that person, the importance of the relationship and the frequency will make you doubt yourself, your confidence and self esteem drop, and the negative behaviour has an ever deepening effect on your perception of the situation. A one-off comment by an unpleasant client is not nice, but easier to brush off, than a daily pattern from someone you are working with or living with.

[/quote]

Of course - I agree with your assessment, and my reason for making the comments is quite simple - and that is that it just might help someone in that sort of situation to begin to develop a coping strategy rather than sinking beneath the weight of negativity that you highlight.

So often when struggling with, for want of a better way to describe it, mental bullying it can appear to be an impossibility to rise above it. The situation then turns into that of a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom and despair unless a method of coping becomes apparent. Merely to highlight "the problem" as you have done will achieve nothing as it serves to "justify" this feelings. Far better, in my opinion if one can, to strive for a positive that might, just might, start some sort of ascent from the depths.

And I accept that my brief outline is simplistic and that assistance from a person properly trained in coaching/counselling would be advantageous. It is, however, a technique I've used in practice exactly as outlined above, with some really positive results.

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Nhombokisheni — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 09:03:09 GMT

I decided to go see Uncle Bob before he departs these shores......and get some much needed vitamin D replenishment.

Nice to be back......Thank you

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Hannah Wynne Richards — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 08:30:21 GMT

Nhombokisheni. Have you been on holiday? Nice to have you back

Wynne

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Nhombokisheni — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 20:15:34 GMT

[quote user="mariette asselbergs"]

[quote user="Gerry Henry"]

No condition is permanent

Death?

[/quote]

This is probably a tangent but death for me is just a rearrangement of molecules (energy) and the spirit will go its way in everybody you interacted with.

Mariette

[/quote]

Yep that is a tangent............please don't go there because I hate speculating on something I honestly know zilch about

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

mariette asselbergs — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 18:46:52 GMT

Have you just read The Idiot Brain??? It says exactly that!

Mariette

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Utlendigur — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 18:36:22 GMT

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

mariette asselbergs — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 18:10:37 GMT

[quote user="Gerry Henry"]

No condition is permanent

Death?

[/quote]

This is probably a tangent but death for me is just a rearrangement of molecules (energy) and the spirit will go its way in everybody you interacted with.

Mariette

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

George Cooper — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 14:47:05 GMT

Interesting thread, this, and despite what you have been through and how it made you feel, one does have to reflect upon their behaviour, and perhaps try and make allowances for it. You have no knowledge of what THEY have to cope with. There might have been a relationship break-up, or a car accident, or the loss of a relative, parent, partner....... This is NOT by way of excusing bad behaviour, but merely pointing out that there could well be extenuating circumstances - and we ALL, even the saints on this thread, deal with tricky issues in totally different ways.

The second point I'd make might be more problematic to get your thoughts together on. NOTHING is EVER personal, even the most seemingly hurtful comment - and before I elaborate upon this just remember that you can never alter another person (well - very rarely) and all you can do is to alter your OWN reaction to their behaviour. (It isn't the person you dislike, it is their behaviour.......)

When I say it is never ever personal.......here's an example! albeit slightly facile! When someone says to you as a straight-haired blonde "I really HATE your black curly hair" just ask yourself the question "Who has the problem?" The answer always is the other person, because what they are expressing is merely 'their OPINION' and not the facts. Only you know what the truth is in a situation.

All that said, I concur with the majority of the opinions expressed earlier and would extend my respect to you for clearly and openly recounting your feelings about what happened. That must have helped enormously in enabling you to reflect upon things, as have all the comments in these posts. I too would exhort you not to perform a rapid exit from the entire veterinary world, even though I have no idea of anything other than your own expressiveness and description. There are so many great and positive experiences to be had as a vet. The strangest thing, though, is that at the end of a busy busy day when we finally sink into the sofa with a pint of Gin and Tonic and we think back over the 20-30 cases we've dealt with - the ONE that sticks in the mind is the difficult bastard that was NOT a nice one or owner. Think on the 29 that went well, with the owners that loved you!

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Malcolm Ness — Tue, 29 Mar 2016 21:59:27 GMT

[quote user="Gerry Henry"]

No condition is permanent

Death?

[/quote]

..... and on the third day..........

Your priest would be ashamed of you, Gerry!

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

Gerry Henry — Tue, 29 Mar 2016 19:00:07 GMT

No condition is permanent

Death?

RE: Today I need a shoulder to cry on.....

mariette asselbergs — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 20:44:35 GMT

I have locumed in a practice like that once and one night was enough for me.

But I would also like to say maybe a small word for the nurse. Nightwork on a one week on one week off basis can be souls destroying in a busy practice, both for vets and nurses and animal care assistants. It doesn't sound impossible that the staff and the particular nurse in question are suffering from burn out and that they are just about functioning on the skin of their teeth (is that the expression in English - maybe not but you get my point). In that situation having yet another locum or new vet who stumbles through the computer system, the protocols, where things are and all that, can be just too much to take. I must say, I am often just so grateful and admire the nurses who in these situations stay calm and friendly and patient and deal with my awkwardness. Having a bag of chocolate to share around sometimes helps, a bit.

Anyway, as all the others said: get out of there, you are wanted and will be appreciated in many other places!

Good luck

Mariette