Pet Loss as a Vet

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Clare Tapsfield-Wright — Wed, 01 Apr 2015 13:19:19 GMT

Hi Jacquin , how are you doing ? I hope it's getting easier to remember the happy times . So sad when they haven't had as long as you feel they should have had and more difficult to come to terms with. I lost a four year old cat in an RTA and it was much harder to deal with than losing my old dog who had had a long and happy life. Hope you're ok

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Hannah Wynne Richards — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 11:53:06 GMT

One can't help grieving. The loss of someone one loves (2 or 4 legged) leaves an enormous gap.

Wynne

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Martin Atkinson — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 10:15:56 GMT

Clearly I am the cynical, heartless, callous one and I can honestly say that I have never grieved for any pet and confess that I didn't even grieve for my parents. This is not to say that I didn't love them, I most certainly did, but I can't see any point in grieving, just keep happy memories. I sympathise with pet owners when they are upset but it is not through true empathy just kindness and professionalism. Maybe I have some sort of psychopathic tendencies or by bottling things up in the hurt locker risk them all coming out later to haunt me, but I think I'm just pragmatic and fatalistic.

I think the only thing that would upset me would be the loss of one of my daughters (who I love more than anything in the world and would die for them), especially if it was my fault, then I don't know if I could live with the guilt. But if say the elder one say, who is a fanatical skier, died in an avalanche skiing off-piste tomorrow I would miss her her but would probably just reflect that she died doing what she loved more than anything and say c'est la vie, that's the way I'd like to go as well.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Ceri Gruffudd Jones — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 21:56:09 GMT

Sorry for your loss - before finding this thread I was out walking today somewhere I used to take the Old Girl (been gone nearly 3 years, now) and found myself having a little sniffle. I think it is a good reminder to us how intense the feelings are as an owner. It may be clear as day to us, the detached professional, that euthanasia is the best way for a patient but not so to an owner. I have found that being able to share my pet loss experience in an empathic way with a grieving client helps them trust that we really do care and that we understand the impact of signing the euth consent form.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Julian Earl — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:33:31 GMT

[quote user="Jacquin Mitchell"]

We lost our 4 year old Lurcher 3 weeks ago due to a series of unfortunate events and I am still finding it hard to come to terms with it.
Obviously I'm used to death and have lost pets before, but this has absolutely floored me.
I think I feel worse than I did when my father died, which is surely ridiculous? Even the kids have stopped crying although our remaining dog is moping along with me.
Have any other vets found the death of a pet has really affected them, and if so, how long did it last?

[/quote]

Maybe I'm soft in the head but I can vividly remember and feel the pain of losing my last Labrador, then 13.5 years old, very arthritic indeed some thirty years ago and his last week of life in particular! Our family still have tears in their eyes when we talk and laugh about t him, as a hyperactive, boisterous loving family member. That was exactly when I understood the comment that losing a loved pet feels like losing a limb! I would have jumped into a raging river to save my best friend then; I think this phrase sums it up:

Some things you never get over; you just have to get through... Very True I now realise.

HTH; sympathies.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Jscvet — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:18:47 GMT

So sorry to hear of your loss- I remember feeling as you did when I lost my little dog to lung cancer last June, I felt as though my grief was more intense than when I lost my dad, which made me feel guilty, but looking back, it was maybe just a different set of feelings and didn't mean I didn't care as much about my dad. Toohey was a 9.5 year old cross bred terrier, my first dog and full of beans- I fully believed I'd have him well into his teens, so his shock diagnosis after just a few weeks of coughing, floored me. I certainly found myself finding it very hard being both a vet and owner. It took me quite a while before I stopped feeling the intense emotions of loss, I still think of him every day, so please don't think your reaction is abnormal in anyway. It will ease with time, you won't stop thinking about them, but you will adapt to cope. It's never easy losing a much loved pet no matter what their age, but it's harder in some respects when they go before their time as you feel cheated somehow. I know there's nothing specific I can say to make you feel better now, but hopefully reading everyone's experiences on here will make you feel supported and realise that your feelings are valid and shared by those who have been in a similar situation. Best wishes to you.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Anthony Dennison — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:19:34 GMT

I lost my beagle to an RTA in May. Still well up thinking about him, still say goodnight to him most nights. He's buried in my in-laws back garden, so when we go out for a dog walk from there we'll call him along with us. We all love our pets, but there is always one that stands out as the most special, and he was it.

Struggle seeing beagles now, always get a bit emotional. The day we lost him was the only unplanned day I've ever had off work, even booked holiday for a shoulder op on a Friday so I could be fine for work the following Monday.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Bob Russell — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:10:52 GMT

Not foolish to post but grieving is normal.

If you lose an old pet (perhaps not dissimilar to losing a very elderly relative) there is little shock factor as it is expected and a big part of you has already come to terms with the inevitable before it happens. Very upsetting but it is not so likely to make your world spin.

Where the loss is out of the blue, I believe there is a real shock factor as well. Disbelief, anger etc is added to the upset melting pot.

These are normal (could say physiological) responses and in the cold light of day can be analysed by those not involved. This just means your reaction is normal!

I went to work, leaving my last boxer in the kitchen, she had been hanging back on the walk but I was in a hurry. By lunch time she was in a terrible state due to a gastric torsion. This brings in the what ifs and if only into the melting pot of emotions! To this day I have not had another boxer!

Losing a collie to lymphoma was a halfway house. I expected some period of remission but it was not to be. No guilt and a bit of time to get used to the idea of loss.

As pets are totally dependent on us and are often physically with us day in day out I am convinced that short term grief can be greater but recovery is much much quicker. We get over losing pets and usually end up looking back happily but not sure we have it so easy with relatives.

You have my sympathies of course!

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Hannah Wynne Richards — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:51:07 GMT

All I can offer is my deepest sympathy. I too have grieved over the deaths of beloved animals - there's one in particular, I still think of on a daily basis, although I lost her in July 2011. I comfort myself by thinking that all animals will automatically go to heaven, that it's only humans who will have to prove virtue.

You will never forget this dog, but try to think of all the care and hapiness you gave her.

Wynne

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Jacquin Mitchell — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:00:50 GMT

Thanks everyone for your replies. I can't tell you how much it helps to know I'm not the only one who has felt like this.
Some of my pet owning friends do understand the pet loss thing but I think being a veterinary professional gives you an extra facet of grief. It's so peculiar. I'm just bored of getting up in the morning and feeling so awful.
And I think it was George who said acceptance is the key, and I agree, I do accept that she's gone and I need to go and pick her ashes up but I do have regrets, the main one being that I didn't get to see her body.
I keep thinking she's still out there and chasing foxes somewhere.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Kara Gibson — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 02:11:37 GMT

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your dog. I agree it's a strange thing for a vet to deal with, we are so used to keeping a professional front when we euthanase animals at work I don't think our brains know quite what to do with our own animals. I remember a few years ago when my parents told me my cat had passed away, she was a gorgeous tortie who I pretty much grew up with and had that special connection with. I had only just walked in the door from work when I got the call and genuinely fell to pieces. Just a few weeks earlier my gran had passed away and although I was also very upset my response to losing my cat was much more visceral. Still, whenever I go home to my parents and see something out of the corner of my eye I think it's her and remembering her now makes me tear up. It will take however long it takes but do not feel guilty or silly for feeling this way but as always it gets better with time.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Suzanne Kelly — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 23:59:56 GMT

My cat was killed by a car in July, she was an absolute joy and I'm typing this on a soggy keyboard thinking about her. Grief is normal, it takes as long as it takes, there's no set length of time to get over a loss. I think for us we're so used to suppressing sadness at work, we can't be crying over every euthanasia or we couldn't function. That makes it very hard when we lose one of our own. All animals are special, but some are more special than others. I had a labrador that died in 1997. Sometimes an old female yellow lab comes in to the consult room and gives me a look that just reminds me of her and I still feel a pang.

So sorry for your loss.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

George Cooper — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 23:47:05 GMT

The most important thing, I believe, in all of this, and in any situation where we need to adjust, is NOT to beat oneself up over a reaction to a situation. We deal with it as we can , given our own individual beliefs and experiences. No-one tells you how you "ought" to react as it us nobody else's business. It is also my firm belief that the single most important word, philosophy, belief as you want to describe it is tied up in the word "ACCEPT". If we are able to accept something for what it is then suddenly all the angst evaporates. We gets make a PTS decision based on facts and feelings at that time, so it is bound to be correct! The grief, anger, loss will however be real for ever, though it will diminish with time. I won't elaborate on my own "story" here but suffice to say that "accepting " the situation helped me through what could have been very dark days indeed. I hope this little bit of homespun thinking will help you deal with your situation equably - never to forget, merely to accept, George

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Utlendigur — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 22:08:05 GMT

A couple of years ago I lost my 4yr old collie to PLE. I'd taken her on as a terrified stray 3 years earlier and she had blossomed into the most fantastic dog, who seemed to feel she was my own personal guardian angel, and who just loved life. She fell unexpectedly and severely ill over the space of a couple of days, two weeks after both my parents were simultaneously diagnosed with dementia with all the fall-out and pressures from that, and during a very stressful period in the practice. Despite all the different meds and diets she just continued to deteriorate and I had to put her to sleep a few weeks later. I still get tearful thinking about losing her and I think it's worse being a vet because you somehow feel you should have been able to save your own dog. Ps Chris (Saul) - I still can't thank you enough for all the help and advice you gave me on this forum that weekend when she first became ill.

3 weeks is no time at all to get over losing a family member. There's no set period you "should" take to get over it - it just takes as long as it takes

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Clair Firth — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:46:44 GMT

Please don't feel foolish! I'm sure that everyone on here has experienced the loss of their own animal. I have physically lost 2 cats (not to disease, but actually physically lost them, they never came home....first one and then a few weeks later the other) and was in some ways more upset than I was when my 21yr old cat was PTS with kidney disease. Losing the cats was unbelievably awful because we didn't know what had happened to them, whether they had suffered or whatever, and we had a real problem trying to explain to our kids what had happened! (You really don't want to tell toddlers that the cat is dead only for it to turn up 3 months later!).

Anyway, I think as vets we will always wonder if we could/should have done more for our own pets......maybe we should have run an extra test or done another surgery. But I think we have to realise that we can't save every animal (as we tell owners every day) and we have to accept that we have done our best for our own pet.

I am sure your dog had a wonderful life.........my sympathy to you and your family

Clair

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Jacquin Mitchell — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:13:07 GMT

Thanks so much for your replies Dagmar and Scarlet. I was just coming back to delete my post as I felt foolish with no replies, but I'll leave it for now.
I think for me it's a combination of our dog's age and the fact that her death was unexpected, although it involved surgery, so I guess it shouldn't have been :(
I feel like I have a lot of what ifs that will have to remain unanswered but it helps to know that other vets have had these feelings too.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

Dagmar Steele — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:48:27 GMT

Yes. I took over a six month old tomcat with hind leg paresis. We nursed him back to nearly normal and he was my little son's best companion. He was such a special cat. Just a year later he developed lymphoma and didn't respond well to chemo. I had already put him through so much so I had to let him go. I still feel I might have done something different. He was so young and so special. And my son misses him as much as I do although it's five years now. It's ok for me if they're old, but letting them go before their time is very hard. It gets easier with time though.

Re: Pet Loss as a Vet

scarlet — Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:30:58 GMT

despite the loss of many pets over the many years - most a decent age ,the grief/loss/anger is still there for me 18m after i lost my beautiful little cat to mammary carcinomma. she was such a happy soul and despite the spread of the cancer; ate, interacted and behaved entirely as normal. i made the decision to put her down when i couldnt bear to see her trying to get about with her swollen legs and not managing terribly well . i swear she wasnt in any great pain as i would have done it earlier if i had any belief that she was but she was just still so full of life despite the tumours all through her little body. she was days short of 8 yrs old and i had her from birth. i still have her older half brother but i miss her every day. my husband and i were both devastated - he held her whilst i injected her and i still feel such loss . yes you expect it with older people and animals, but the premature loss of their company is very hard. i feel robbed in one way but then i think of all the joy and fun she brought to our lives and i'm so grateful to have known such a beautiful little soul. be grateful for the short time you did have . it does get easier but i'm still not "over" it

my sincere sympathies to you and your family