Pet bereavement.

Re: Pet bereavement.

Badger er — Wed, 30 Apr 2014 15:33:11 GMT

The Blue Cross runs the Pet Bereavement Support Service, and I volunteered on their support line for a couple of years. Aside from my obvious interest in the service, I can genuinely recommend them. They will give free, anonymous and highly trained listening ears to owners (and others) in these sorts of circumstances. The service is regulated by the Helplines Partnership. Free helpline: 0800 096 6606 or email: pbssmail@bluecross.org.uk

http://www.bluecross.org.uk/2083/pet-bereavement-support-service.html

It sounds like the owner is expecting a lot of you, and is becoming reliant on you. What you have done (going to her house, etc) is very very kind, but you must not be drawn into feeling emotionally responsible for her wellbeing. Being firm with her is fine. You have clearly explained that she is not to blame for her dog's death, and have reinforced this over and over again. Indulging her day after day does not encourage her to deal with her grief and begin to reach a level of acceptance. Do continue to encourage her to use services such as the PBSS. Explain that you are often with other clients and not always able to give her the time that she is asking for, whereas specialist organisations are there especially to help her with what she is going through.

Look after your own wellbeing first and foremost. Don't let it get to a stage where this client is having a negative impact on you or your day.

Re: Pet bereavement.

Anthony Dennison — Tue, 29 Apr 2014 09:52:57 GMT

We had a similar situation. 15 year old dog with multiple problems including anaemia, thrombocytopaenia and a liver mass. They asked for a PM, then rang every day querying every little thing. Apparently the daughter stopped eating and sleeping!

After about 10 days of usually more than one phone call a day, I spoke to her at length for about half an hour and said that before she passed away, the dog's main priority was to make the owners happy, and their approach of questioning everything was not honouring the dogs memory - the dog would want them to be happy and celebrating it's life, not obsessing over minor details.

Slightly cheesy, but they never rang back.

Re: Pet bereavement.

Michael Woodhouse — Tue, 29 Apr 2014 01:56:16 GMT

We had a client in a similar situation (although not as bad as yours). There was another client going into a home and they couldn't take their middle aged dog. The sad client took the old ladies dog in and was instantly a different person.

There's a chap in our village with a poodle and a similar story.

Try and pass on the next dog looking for a home.

Re: Pet bereavement.

Thomas Johnson — Mon, 28 Apr 2014 17:53:15 GMT

[quote user="GrooveJet"]

I'm really conscious that I could so easily make this worse for her, but at the same time I feel I just can't be her "crutch"... I'm just not qualified!

[/quote]

It sounds like you've done all the right things. You could consider suggesting she contacts her GP to see if they can offer her something to help with her grief.

Re: Pet bereavement.

Miriam Lodewyks — Mon, 28 Apr 2014 15:56:58 GMT

I drove over to her house last week after work: to give her a hug, have a cuppa tea, look her in the eye and tell her face to face it really, really, really wasn't her fault this happened. I think she felt better straight after, but this morning she called during morning appointments and we seemed to be back to square one. She's spoken to a bereavement councilor over the weekend but doesn't feel that's helpful...

I was a little firmer with her this morning, telling her we'd had this discussion a few times already and I didn't know how else to make it clear to her she has nothing to feel guilty about.

I'm really conscious that I could so easily make this worse for her, but at the same time I feel I just can't be her "crutch"... I'm just not qualified!

Re: Pet bereavement.

Bob Russell — Mon, 28 Apr 2014 13:05:49 GMT

I agree with Gillian, phone calls can go on forever without resolution. Make an appointment with someone who is patient (sounds like you are very well equipped to be this person), sit her down with that healing cup of tea!

If you use 'open' questions such as 'do you understand what happened?' very quickly you should be able to work out what the issues are. If she is just not coping then further discussion regarding bereavement counselling would be appropriate.

Indicate understanding that this was a family member, confirm that not everyone appreciates this. The grieving process is normal etc. etc. Try to get the owner to understand you are drawing a line under events by making it clear that the counsellor takes over from here.

The reputation of a practice can be made by taking real care of clients in this difficult situation.

Re: Pet bereavement.

Mark Holmes — Mon, 28 Apr 2014 12:57:47 GMT

Write to her telling her everything you need to also include PB service details. If it's in writing people believe it and also she can reread it as often and whenever she likes. Clearly let her know she can contact you if necessary but try kindly suggesting appropriate times for a call as well.

Re: Pet bereavement.

Gillian Mostyn — Mon, 28 Apr 2014 12:05:42 GMT

Maybe offer her a chance to sit down with a vet (or well informed nurse), cup of tea and biscuits in hand, to talk through the entire episode from start to end? It sounds like she has unresolved issues/guilt and a clear understanding of all events and decisions, as well as the chance to discuss it all at length, may help? If she doesn't have friends or relatives to talk to she may just need chance to unload! With the best will in the world, telephone conversations don't give the same opportunity for a caring chat!