Coping

Re: Coping

An On MRCVS — Sun, 04 Aug 2013 19:11:42 GMT

Thanks for letting mr know about the BVA careers service - I had no idea it existed! Hopefully they point me in the right direction and advise what other options may be out there.

Re: Coping

Zoe Davies — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 14:59:04 GMT

Hi Anon

I'm glad you're getting support. You may find it useful to contact the BVA Careers Service who can offer specialist impartial advice on options for life outside of veterinary practice.

I don't know whether you're a BVA member, if you are you would be eligible for a discount but you can still use the service as a non-member.

Hopefully others on here can share their personal experiences and advice too but I wanted to let you know the Careers Service is there if you need it.

Zoe

Re: Coping

Bob Russell — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 09:11:56 GMT

You sound much more in control of life now!

Take a little time to think. It may well be the right thing to take a break from practice. You can always keep your hand in by doing sessions of consults at a local practice when you have sorted things out a bit. Many practices would jump at the chance of someone to do a few hours. I certainly would!

Go at your own pace and see where things take you. My experience is that it all works out in the end even if not necessarily in the way planned!

It is nice to hear that things are settling but be prepared for a few (minor!) bumps and continue to ask for help when necessary.

Good stuff!

Re: Coping

Sarah Wheadon — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 01:14:59 GMT

Thanks so much for posting again. Really glad to hear you've asked for and are receiving help.

Sarah

Re: Coping

Michael Woodhouse — Sun, 28 Jul 2013 23:10:26 GMT

Pleased things looking better. Updates really important in cases like this.

Re: Coping

An On MRCVS — Sun, 28 Jul 2013 20:43:58 GMT

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Thank you everyone for all your advice - it's nice to know that I'm not alone. I took your advice and wrote a letter to my GP explaining how I was feeling, and am now under the care of a team at the local hospital. I'm finding the NHS support in my new area much better than in my previous location. I've also spoken to The Samaritains and VBF who have both been very helpful too.

Having had the opportunity to speak to support teams I feel the aspect of my life that's making me feel worst is my job - working as a veterinary surgeon really brings out all my anxieties and insecurities! I don't feel I'm wired up right to cope with life in practice, and had been considering leaving the profession for a while before feeling this low. I would be interested to hear from anyone who's taken a career U-turn and moved away from veterinary practice - what other options are out there? I have been looking at industry jobs for a year or so and feel I would enjoy applying my veterinary knowledge without working in practice.

Re: Coping

Mark Hedberg — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 23:17:47 GMT

Hope you get some help, Anon - some of us have been there. It's a lonely place but it doesn't have to be.

Re: Coping

Helen Wallace — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 22:17:07 GMT

Anon. I hope you're managing to find some support. We're all thinking of you and I promise it will get better even if it doesn't feel like it now.

Re: Coping

Mark Holmes — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 21:56:24 GMT

[quote user="Francisco Gomez"]Same with me, I run (slowly but I run), it makes me a much happier person. I'm injured now (sciatic I think) hence I'm on the forums, and I'm starting to think things over a bit too much again... But I've learnt other diversions over the years...

[/quote] I tried running but my back and knees don't take it. Cycling however I can go for hours.

Re: Coping

Francisco Gomez — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 21:39:36 GMT

Same with me, I run (slowly but I run), it makes me a much happier person. I'm injured now (sciatic I think) hence I'm on the forums, and I'm starting to think things over a bit too much again... But I've learnt other diversions over the years...

Re: Coping

Mark Holmes — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 21:34:20 GMT

[quote user="Michael Woodhouse"]

Mark - did (s)he ring?

[/quote] No, maybe they have found somebody else. If they are reading this the offer is always open, just as long as they talk to someone. You cannot tell if someone is trustworthy until you trust them. Something else helpful is good hard exercise, it sounds cliche but it makes all the difference. You don't need to do 200k like Clive but enough to get hot sweaty and out of breath for 20-30 minutes. I got back into cycling and it clears the head brilliantly. It doesn't make problems go away but much much more easily to cope with. It also provides mini achievements - ride longer, harder, faster, higher and something to focus on. It stops thinking too much.

Re: Coping

Michael Woodhouse — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 21:11:22 GMT

Mark - did (s)he ring?

Re: Coping

Mark Holmes — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 18:54:24 GMT

I would completely agree with Rosie's suggestion of writing to the GP. I have chosen to do that on many occasions. Send them a letter to arrive a couple of days before your appointment - you get so much more from it.

Re: Coping

Rosie Allister — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 18:46:56 GMT

An On, when you've been hurt before, especially a betrayal as profound as abuse as a child, it is completely understandable to have problems with trust and to find yourself pushing people away. I'm so sorry you've been through that.

I can't imagine how hard it is to try to trust and reach out to people now, but I'm really glad you are trying to. It seems like even in this you are judging yourself harshly though - asking for help is not easy, and I think you're absolutely right, it's something vets in particular can sometimes struggle with. This isn't any fault on your part, it is really hard to admit when things are difficult and is sometimes something that can take a while. Finding the right person, or the right way to explain things to be heard can take more than one attempt.

I'm sorry it was so difficult to convey to the GP, but although it may feel that way it doesn't mean that the door is closed. I don't know if it would help to write things down for the GP to take with you to an appointment. Even a copy of your message on here if you could face sharing that with them? GPs are very used to people writing that sort of information initially in preference to verbalising it. The more open you are with them the more they will be able to offer the right kind of help.

It sounds as though you are feeling very trapped in your current situation. I'm really worried that you're feeling there is nothing else to try and that the thoughts about killing yourself sounds so strong right now. If you can try to reach out again there are people who really want to help you.

If writing is easier you can text or email Samaritans 07725 90 90 90 (text number only), jo@samaritans.org or you can email Vet Helpline in complete confidence by following the link on the Vetlife homepage https://helpline.vetlife.org.uk/ (there is no way Vet Helpline or Samaritans can trace your emails so you can stay anonymous if you prefer). You can also phone Vet Helpline on 07659 811 118 or Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90, both are available 24/7, though with Vet Helpline you need to leave a message and someone will call you straight back.

If you only feel able to post on here just now, please keep talking. When things are so difficult it can seem that there is nothing else to try, but with time and the right support there are options.

Re: Coping

bob lehner — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 17:44:12 GMT

Agree with all that has been said. Talking anonymously to colleagues I'm sure will help you - but do seek professional advice via the official helplines as well - that is why they are there.

Your problems (or similar) are probably a lot more common than you might believe.

Re: Coping

Edward Jones — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 16:36:49 GMT

I'd recommend everyone to keep an eye out for the following book: 'Compassion Fatigue in the Animal-Care Community'. I got it from Amazon and it had to come from the US unfortunately, and I'm afraid I can't find it anywhere for a reasonable price at the moment. I was put off by the title thinking it wasn't directly relevant, but I've since learnt that compassion fatigue (wiki link) is an end-stage following excessive stress/anxiety/depression.

An easy and cheap resource I've found is http://www.llttf.com/ - on-line self-help cognitive behaviour therapy (wiki link) .

And lastly, the http://www.vetlife.org.uk/ - a VBF website.

Re: Coping

Sandra Milburn — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 14:25:36 GMT

Anon - I have been gone through some 'dark' times and can understand the feeling that you get (as much as any situation is always a slightly different one). I have contacted the Vet Helpline and also Samaritans before and despite how dark times were, it definitely helped me.

Feel free to pm me and am happy to talk on the phone if you need to. Been there, done that and trust you me, it is not an easy time, especially when you feel like no one else understands it. I think too many of us have felt like that and we need to become better at supporting each other as well.

Please let us know how you are, as you can see, your post has touched a lot of us. Lots of love Sandra

Re: Coping

Bob Russell — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 14:23:11 GMT

It is quite proper in many ways that we don't find out the outcomes for anons in trouble but I like to think this site is a good place to find that initial support!

Much of the time it is the complete feeling of isolation that allows things to get blown completely out of proportion and sympathetic responses show you are not as isolated as you may think and sadly not unique in any way!

Good idea to invite Rosie Allister!

The help is out there, you just have to chose what support suits you best!

Re: Coping

Arlo Guthrie — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 14:10:03 GMT

Hi Anon,

You said:

[quote user="An On MRCVS"]It's sad that I have no one else to talk to but a load of strangers on a forum, but I push everyone else away in the fear of getting hurt.[/quote]

There are so many reasons why the people we know already (be they friends and family or professional organisations) are NOT the people we want to talk to about a problem. So when I see a post like yours, I don't see that as a sad thing at all. I see it as rather a wonderful thing that there are a bunch of your peers you can talk to in complete anonymity here, many of whom will likely have had similar problems to yours.

I don't know whether you have taken anyone in this forum up on their offer to speak or message directly. But don't feel you have to. If you want to just keep talking here in the forum, go right ahead. You might want to share some of your specific problems and see whether others have suffered the same themselves, and how they sorted things out. That's what we're all here for. 'Problem shared' and all that.

Your post made me think it is overdue that we have someone in the VetSurgeon community who is able to give more informed advice in situations like yours. So I have invited Rosie Allister to come and join VetSurgeon.org. She's a veterinary surgeon and Chair of the Vet Helpline.

Arlo

Re: Coping

Bob Russell — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 11:07:01 GMT

Hopefully you have already spoken to someone (here or elsewhere) and have started to get some help!

Your GP must be an early visit and if he/she is not giving support get another doctor to talk to. They are not always equally sympathetic but the medical profession is perfectly aware of our record as a high risk group!

Many years ago (pretty messy & unpleasant divorce) I only had to phone in and I was put through to the GP in seconds. Sadly I just get the normal service now!

The key for me was to have someone, non-judgemental to talk to in complete confidence. I was not given advice (that is a danger of talking to the unqualified!) but felt completely supported as I gradually sorted out the mess! Friends came in later!

Don't try and make decisions at this stage beyond 'this is crap and must change'.

Everyone here would happily help as much as they can but sort the GP out now!

Re: Coping

Dagmar Steele — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 10:15:18 GMT

Anon, just a thought: Even if you and your family would lose all their belongings (you were speaking of having to pay the mortgage) you might have a happier life than you have now! There is absolutely no shame in leaving the profession and doing something else, even if it is a not so demanding job and brings in less money, it might give you peace of mind!! Do you think your family would want to lose you rather than their comfortable life? I'm sure they wouldn't, especially if you have children or your parents are still around. We all own much more than we really need. What we really need is not much, but loving and caring people around us is the most important thing of all! Please do not kill yourself even if you think there is no way out, there is!!!! Take the good advice from others and get more professional help and tell them how bad you feel, how else can anybody know if you bury it deep inside?

Re: Coping

Bob Russell — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 09:12:16 GMT

Plus we are not strangers here just a load of vets!

Re: Coping

Andrew Kent — Mon, 08 Jul 2013 07:51:21 GMT

In addition to the above and another offer to talk, please also consider the vet crisis helpline. They understand the profession, have access to financial support if needed and I have worked with a vet previously who could not speak highly enough of them. They saved her life.

call 07659 811 118 and they will ring you back or look at

www.vetlife.org.uk

you are never alone and there is always a better solution than what you are considering now.

Andy

Re: Coping

Utlendigur — Sun, 07 Jul 2013 22:51:03 GMT

Feel free to PM me also - sometimes talking to someone who isn't part of your day-to-day life is easier than people you see every day. You are not on your own, even if that is how it can feel at times.

Jackie

Re: Coping

Sarah Wheadon — Sun, 07 Jul 2013 22:49:33 GMT

In addition to Mark's offer, please also contact Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90 or jo@samaritans.org. They will offer you emotional support and a safe, non-judgemental, anonymous way to explore your feelings. PM me if you want any more details or want to ring me. Sarah