Stuff you just dont wanna know

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

katja wagner — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:48:36 GMT

as a student I once went on a house visit with my boss to attend the cat of a client who was the picture of what in my imagination would be the boss of the russian mafia,we had to exam the cat in his masters bedroom which was decorated with huge mirrors ,handcuffs and various sex toys ,my boss was very lady like and I rather innoncent at that time so we probably looked like a pair of tomatos; nice,young,lightly dressed ladys served us coffee afterwards.

katja

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Laurence Webb — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:34:49 GMT

I had a female client a few years ago whose dog consumed a used tampon and had to have it removed where it had lodged in the small intestine. Thankfully I was away the day of the surgery, as the smell was reported to be potent.

When I saw it for a post op check the owner volounteered (I certainly didn't ask) the reason that the dog got hold of said sanitary product was that she had heavy periods and had been collecting her used tampons to show her doctor how many she got through.

More information than needed. More importantly, lucky old GP on the day that she comes through the door clutching her Tesco carrier bag of tampons.

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Mark Hedberg — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 14:22:56 GMT

Alright, where's that blasted yellow card :p

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

bob lehner — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 13:26:48 GMT

[quote user="Mark Rowland"]

Well done " says I, "What did you lubricate it with"

"Oh I used my tube of DUREX PLAY"

[/quote]

Well, I don't know a lot about exotics - but I do know that one must never, ever, under any circumstances, apply KY jelly/ Durex Play (whatever that is) - or similar lubricants to the underside of a sick tortoise.

If you do they invariably go down-hill very fast.

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Mark Hedberg — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 09:22:13 GMT

[quote user="Anthony Todd"]

[quote user="james herriot lied"]You can see where it went.[/quote]

Actually your recollection is totally correct; I remember the reference to the kitchen table and the concert tickets.

[/quote] Yes, but I think I'd pass on the concert tickets before admitting to HER answer!

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Gillian Mostyn — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 09:18:45 GMT

two incidences spring to mind:

-lady was sent to us by her doctor as she had some itchy lumps in her groin that the doctor felt were probably flea bites, obtained due to her cat sitting on her lap. She started to unbutton her flies to get a second opinion from me.......

-a gentleman came into the practice in a remarkably calm state, asking if he could use our toilet facilities. Accompanying him was a dreadful smell. We obviously said yes, but he still insisted on lifting his shirt first to show us how his colostomy bag had leaked and made quite a mess.....

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Anthony Todd — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 08:51:55 GMT

[quote user="james herriot lied"]You can see where it went.[/quote]

Actually your recollection is totally correct; I remember the reference to the kitchen table and the concert tickets.

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Dagmar Steele — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 08:12:36 GMT

uhhhhhh

couple of years ago I did a house visit to clip some cats claws. Owner (very big, elderly lady) asked me, if I errrrr would just have a look as she found a lump in her breast and her doctor wants to remove it, what do I think, could a have a little feel around? Up went the blouse and the bra.... I politely declined....

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

james herriot lied — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 08:04:19 GMT

[quote user="Anthony Todd"]

On Sydney talkback radio rumour has it that a female caller was describing how she had been interrupted during intercourse with her partner.

The radio host asked "Where was she having it?"

[/quote]

Ah, I can fill that one in, so to speak (oo-er, missus)

I was in Oz about fifteen years ago, when one of the yoof radio stations was running a competition for concert tickets, but was attempting to be dead controversial by asking applicants 'saucy' questions. All very dull. Until the woman who was asked when she last had sex (previous day or some such), followed by where?

Clearly the stuff of farce - the lady became all coy for a while, with the DJ thinking it was going to be something dynamite like 'on the kitchen table'. You can see where it went.

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Anthony Todd — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 00:55:54 GMT

[It was a budgie that had fallen into the mushroom soup.]

On Sydney talkback radio rumour has it that a female caller was describing how she had been interrupted during intercourse with her partner.

The radio host asked "Where was she having it?"

she replied

"Up the ****"

[refer to the thread re "Would you like to hear from a member of the public?"]

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Michael Woodhouse — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 18:53:09 GMT

I forget who told the story but it was posted on here. If I remember correctly the poor person was woken from their slumber by a worried owner who had spilt soup over their pet. The vet having just woken up and preprogrammed to ask questions asked

"what kind of soup?"

(long pause)

Mushroom!

Cracks me up just remembering it.

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Mark Rowland — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 18:45:12 GMT

To coin one of my favourite phrases

"Hoisted by his own petard"

Re: Stuff you just dont wanna know

Michael Woodhouse — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 18:41:38 GMT

To be fair you did ask!